


Dasvidaniya, Cruel Babes

by mermaidfinn, plantglow



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Multi, No one is cishet, author hopes she dies, being yuri made me emo, chatfic, didnt know 112 was the RUS 911 but you learn smth new every day (end me), i know like maybe three words in russian, last i heard he called a bra titty prison, minami and yurio get along like CATS AND DOGS Hhaha take the shot scoob, oh yeah they all speak english or some shit which is Convenient, so does everyone else in this mass rp gc thing i DOn't know, this is a mess, this is essentially all unedited uncut Fuckshit, whats the tag FUCK, yurio is entirely too vocal he talks about not having a dick a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-09-15 15:37:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 24,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9242081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mermaidfinn/pseuds/mermaidfinn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantglow/pseuds/plantglow
Summary: it's the Group Chat Experience™ ft. everyones favorite skaters





	1. chapter 1: no context we die like men

**Author's Note:**

> victor nikiforov (dickiforov): finn  
> yuuri katsuki: viv  
> yuri plisetsky (xXx_IceTiger_xXx --> yurio placenta --> tuition placenta): yours truly  
> minami kenjirou (nuggie.jpg): abril  
> leo de la iglesia (leolikespeniso): dri  
> mila babicheva (mila malfoy): grace  
> seung-gil lee (이 승길): arcaneadagio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so i got together with the lads and i said RP FOR ME,  
> and they did it  
> the absolute madmen

\-- xXx_icetiger_xXx changed channel name to “dasvidanya_cruel_babes” --

 **dickiforov  
**    Why!!

\-- dickiforov changed _xXx_icetiger_xXx_ name to _yurio placenta_ \--

 **yurio placenta  
**    WHY

 **dickiforov  
**    ur too damn ass edgy thats why. lmao @ that auto correct

\-- @victorlikesdicktor( _dickiforov)_ changed _yurio placenta_ name to _tuition placenta_ \--

 **dickiforov  
**   whoops

 **tuition placenta  
**    EOSIRHWUIRFCUIWE  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
   bicth  
    **‘** tis i  
  
**tuition placenta  
**    bicth  
  
**dickiforov  
**    ah minami what is the haps  
  
**nuggie.jpg  
**    i dyed my hair neon pink  
  
**dickiforov  
**    thats cool!  
  
**nuggie.jpg  
**    for yuuri-senpai  
  
**dickiforov**  
  wheres yuuri so i can be gay  
  no one here is allowed to be str8  
  
**phichit+chu  
**    gouda  
   *good  
  
**tuition placenta  
**    gouda  
**  
phichit+chu  
**    gouda  
  
**dickiforov**  
  VKUSNO  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  wht does taht even mean?!?!  
  *that  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  it means gouda  
  vkusno is hungarian for gouda cheese  
  
**dickiforov**  
  it means delicious!  
   ....like yuuri  
  
**phichit+chu  
**    GAyyyy  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  no it means gouda cheese  
  trust me im an expert  
  
**dickiforov**  
  who tf are you makkachin stop talking be a dog go choke on some hot buns or smth  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  im gonna fuckin murder you ????  
  
**dickiforov**  
  silly makkachin  
  good boi

\-- phichit+chu added @leolikespeniso (Leo) --

 **dickiforov**  
  welcome leo!  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  oh hi leo  
  
**dickiforov**  
  or should i say HOLA  
  hahaha im so funny  
  
**tuition placenta  
**    muy cómico  
  
**dickiforov**  
  Please shut the fuck up yurio  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  spasibo cruel world  
  
**dickiforov**  
  anyway yurio ur step sequence sucked yesterday u should rethink ur program and also ur life  
  
**tuition placenta  
**   ok baldy  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  quiero morir jajajaja  
  
**nuggie.jpg  
**  no dont die yet leo  
  
**tuition placenta**    
  rip leo  
  could have left us sooner but didnt  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  yurio don't be fucking rude  
  
**tuition placenta  
**   shrug emoji dot jpg  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  leo come back from the dead and defend your honor  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  i can't believe leo's fucking dead  
  
**nuggie.jpg  
**   i can he's a pussy ass bitch  
  
**tuition placenta  
**   i can't hear his voice  
  leo de la iglesia found dead in miami  
  
**nuggie.jpg  
**   how did he die  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  idk but he's fuckin dead  
  
**dickiforov**  
  dasvidanya shart bag  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  viktor leo died  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  victor doesnt care because victors a trick ass bitch  
  i found him dead in st petersburg  
  i wasn't responsible  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  i thought he died in miami  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  that was leo  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  viktor died in st petersburg?  
  is yuuri okay  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  how should i know wtf why are you asking me  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  bc you're his son  
  why else  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  I'M NOT THEIR FUCKING KID  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  um yes you are  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  i'm NOT  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  are you sure about that  
  
**tuition placenta**  
   _yes i'm fucking sure  
_  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  horton hears a bitchass liar  
  
**tuition placenta**    
  i'm going to eat i hate you all  
  https://vine.co/v/59UVapD0PgI  
  
**Otabek**  
  I'm confused  
  What's happening  
  Hey yurio  
  
**dickiforov**  
  hello Otakek  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  hey Otakek  
  does yurio ever lie to you  
  
**Otabek**  
  I like to believe he doesn't  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  bc he's lying to himself pretty gosh darn hard  
  
**Otabek**  
  About what  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  about yuuri and viktor being his dads  
  
**Otabek**  
  I think he's getting along well with them  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  but they're his dads  
  and he is their son  
  it is Fact  
  
**Otabek**  
  His grandpa isn't around much  
  So they would be good dads  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  :thumbsdown:

 **Otabek**  
  :davai:  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  why do you have that as an emote

 **dickiforov  
**   :^)  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  even your bfflad agrees with me, you creamy lemon haired boy  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  why are you still here someone kick minami  
  banned from here  
  out of this house  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  why are you here you're like twelve aren't you  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  OUT OF THIS HOME  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  IN THIS HOME WE LOVE AND APPRECIATE KENJIRO MINAMI  
  
**Otabek**  
  Aren't you younger than minami  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  yes i'm two years older than him despite looking like i'm thirteen  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  Otabek i thought you were on my side  
  
**Otabek**  
  I'm on no ones side  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  fuck a fake friend where my real friends at  
  
**Otabek**  
  But  
  I thought we were friends  
  
**tuition placenta**  
_where my real friends at_

 **Otabek  
**   Do i need phichit to pull up screenshots we literally rode my motorcycle and stared out at the sunset together  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  Otakek ill be your friend  
  
**tuition placenta**  
   _ **FUCK** off  
_  
**tuition placenta**  
  he was my friend first  
  go find your OWN friend  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  i thought you said he was a Fake friend  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  the word friend is still in there  
  you shithead  
  you shartface  
  
**Otabek**  
  How dare  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  at least i didnt call him an asshole when we first met  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  moot point  
  hey minami do you even have friends  
  just curious  
  
**Otabek**  
  Well  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  nop  
  besides Otakek  
  nop  
  
**Otabek**  
  I have to leave but I hope we can all be friends  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  friends? i dont know her  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  grandpas watching seinfeld i hope i choke and die

 **dickiforov  
**    Me too!!

 **tuition placenta  
**    i hope i choke and die don’t agree with me  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  i mean im cool with you dying  
  
**Otabek**  
  Wow rude  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  beaut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i regret this idea  
> @uranohoshi on tumblr


	2. chapter 2: the disappearance of victor nikiforov's hair, or, the appearance of seung-gil lee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fun fact leo got kicked from the server for calling victor bald

**dickiforov**  
  WHERE IS MY SON YURIO  
  
**Otabek**  
  It's minami  
  
**dickiforov**  
  i'm taking him with me to ballet  
  
**Otabek**  
   _@tuition placenta_ where are you  
  Hi phichit  
  
**dickiforov**  
   _@tuition placenta_ come on we're going to ballet, yuratchka  
  
**Otabek**  
  Maybe he already left  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  Why not pole dancing? :eyes:  
  
**dickiforov**  
 :eyes: speaking of which WHERE IS YUURI  
  
**Otabek**  
  Get married already  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  In Vegas  
  
**Otabek**  
  That's in the US  
  
**dickiforov**  
   _@katsuDon't_ where u @ babe  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  damn  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  IM DuNK  
  OKay  
  
**dickiforov**  
  perhaps but we were thinking of getting married in hasetsu  
  yurio wherever you are is invited  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  Why not the US?  
  
**dickiforov**  
  chris is my best man  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  Or somewhere exotic?  
  
**dickiforov**  
 Since when is the US exotic?  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  he can nut on ur wedding  
  chris can nut on ur wedding*

 **phichit+chu**  
  Can we not shame Chris  
  lik  
  
**dickiforov**  
  CHRIIIIISTOPHEEE  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  he has an Ice skating kink so what  
  
**dickiforov**  
  deep down i think we all do  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  You have a food kink  
  
**dickiforov**  
  VKUSNO  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  ....  
  Why?  
  
**dickiforov**  
  katsudon is the mf shit ok :ok_hand:  
  i'm bored let's talk about my fiancé yuuuuuri  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  i could practically hear you saying his name i want death  
  
**dickiforov**  
_[[Image_2294.png sent]](http://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/265976701757030400/266002751606095872/image.png)_  
  here he is suffering  
  i love him  
_[[Image_2232.png sent]](http://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/265976701757030400/266002815774752768/image.png)_  
  here he is seducing me  
  i love him  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  Whats his favorite movie?  
  ice cream?  
  
**dickiforov**  
  his favorite movie is despicable me  
  his fav character is gru  
  his fav ice cream is mint chocolate chip  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  is it because he sounds like you when your drunk?  
  
**dickiforov**  
  *you're  
  da da of course  
  
**dickiforov**  
  :eyes::thumbsup:  
  :weary::ok_hand:  
  i miss him so much  
  more than my hair  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  I still wish i was there  
  bald  
  
**dickiforov**  
  my forehead is increasing in size at a rapid rate  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  youre balding?  
  
**dickiforov**  
  NO I AM NOT  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  youre what 30?  
  
**dickiforov**  
  you saw nothing  
  
**phichit+chu**  
  bull  
  im Outtie I have to Eaty  
  
**dickiforov**  
  [[Image_3007.png sent]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/265976701757030400/266003978628628490/image.png)  
  see? i have plenty of hair

 **LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  rip it off  
  snatch  
  snatched  
  
**dickiforov**  
  catch these hands bitch  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  sorry i fucking died i hope no one missed me  
  
**dickiforov**  
  YURIO  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  that's not my name  
  
**dickiforov**  
  i'm at ballet where r u  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  they call me hell  
  they call me stacey  
  they call me jane  
   _that's not my motherfucking name_  
  
**dickiforov**  
  well ur gon miss ballet  
  
**mila malfoy**  
  dasvidanya cruel babes  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  wtf thats my line  
  bye bye babushka

\-- _dickiforov_ added _이승길 --_

 **이승길  
**  What is this  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  hey gilly what's it like having the Best Eyebrows  
  
**이승길**  
  Leave  
  
**tuition placenta**  
 oh my god  
  
**이승길**  
  Never call me that again. never speak to me again  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  bye  
  
**이승길  
**   Who even are you  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  Gilly  
  
**이승길**  
  How did you get this number  
  I'm blocking all of you  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  ring ring  
  
**이승길**  
  Why is plisetsky in here  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  why are you smh  
  im a fucking blessing  
  
**이 승길**  
  Someone call those two to pick their kid up.  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  no you're not you're an angsty fifteen year old  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  I'M NOT THEIR FUCKING KID  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  YES YOU ARE  
****  
**이승길**  
  You aren't?  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  NO I'M FUCKIN NOT  
  
**이승길**  
  Then why did they have a sign saying "go yurio  <3"  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  yurio has the odd habit of being a lying shitstain  
  
**이승길**  
  Who are you again  
  Should i care  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  im minami and no you shouldnt  
  
**이승길**  
  Okay done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @uranohoshi on tumblr if you want to flame my ass


	3. chapter 2.5: google dot com whats a furry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the author regrets everything  
> also there was age discourse bc i didnt know what year this took place in. its 2017 in this in case you were wondering

**tuition placenta**  
  minami is quite often a dense fucknugget  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  not as dense as you  
  
**이승길**  
  Why are you just appending swears to nouns  
  
**tuition placenta**  
   fuck right off May Haps  
  
**이승길**  
   Gladly  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  wasnt directed @ you but like that works too  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  yurio is just an angry cat :///  
  
**Otabek**  
  True  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  minami is a moldy chicken nugget  
  wtf otabek i fucking trusted you  
  
**Otabek**  
  :/  
  
**이승길**  
  I thought he was supposed to be a tiger  
  
**Otabek**  
  It's true  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  i have no real friends here im done  
  
**이승길**  
  But that makes more sense  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  see you shit cowboys  
  
**Otabek  
**   No Yuri wait  
  I'm sorry

 **이승길  
**    I'm not

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    he's no tiger he's just an angry cat

 **Otabek  
**   Wow  
  Yuri is the Russian tiger, though...?

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    Yuri is the Russian _baby_

 **이승길**  
  I think there's a word for that  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  @ me next time xxo  
  
**이승길**  
  What's the word for someone who has an... animal persona... thing...  
  There is one right  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
   _@tuition placenta_ You're a furry  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  its called "Seung-gil Lee"  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  yurio whats your fursona  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  someone who has an animal persona is called Seung-gil Lee  
  
**이승길** **  
** I have a pet dog but i'm pretty sure those are different things  
  Is it really called a furry  
  I'm going to make sure  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  no one tell him  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  He has Google you know  
  
**이승길**  
  I should not have made sure  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  good job gilly  
  
**이승길**  
  Don't call me that  
  So yurio is one of those people  
  Does that include the drawings  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  i'm not  
  what drawings  
  
**이승길**  
  The art i saw  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  i don't know and i don't Want to know  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  and your answer is _**No I'm Not A Fucking Furry**_

 **이승길**  
  How old are you  
  Twelve?  
  
**tuition placenta**  
   _ **You piece of shit  
**_  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  He's nine  
  
**이승길**  
  Okay  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  I'M SIXTEEN  
  FUCK OFF  
  
**이승길**  
  I can't really tell anyone younger than me is twelve  
  Also i have a question about the group chat name  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  i dont  
  
**이승길**  
  What does it mean and why does it exist  
  
**Otabek**  
  It's Russian  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  its russian for dasvidanya cruel world  
  
**Otabek**  
  Well part of it  
  
**이승길**  
  I know  
  I can read  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  dasvidanya cruel babes is russian for dasvidanya cruel world  
  trust me im an expert  
  
**이승길**  
  I would hope you could read your own language  
  But okay  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  yurio can't read that well he's only like three  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  uhh can you read any russian i think the fuck not,  
  
**이승길**  
  Can you read any korean.  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  why would i know korean  
  
**이승길**  
   Why would i know russian  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  yurio have you seen the bee movie  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  google dot com how to unread a sentence  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  google dot com how to slap someone overseas  
  
**이승길** **  
** Buy a plane ticket  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  stick your hand through the computer  
  
**이승길**  
  You two should punch the computer screen and shut it off so i don't have to read your texts anymore.  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  how about you start  
  show us an example  
  youre older than us anyway  
  old man  
  
**이승길**  
  I'm twenty  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  Did I Fucking Stutter  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  yes you pressed enter after each clause implying a pause  
  that rhymed omg  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  That Doesn't Mean I Stuttered  
  
**이승길  
**   Why are you typing like that  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  Why Not  
  Does This Bother You  
  
**이승길** **  
** You're just wasting time  
  
**nuggie.jpg** **  
** everything bothers him  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  thats true  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  except dogs  
  
**tuition placenta**  
   probably if you breathe even like 20,000 kilometres away from him hed flip his shit  
  
**이승길**  
  I wouldn't  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  flipping his shit would imply he cared though  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  you say that but if it happened  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  why dont we aññ just shut the fuck up _(edited)  
_  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  LEO  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  well  
  leo found alive in miami  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  HI LEO  
  WE THOUGHT YOU DIED IN MIAMI  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  FUCK  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  leo are you a leo this is important  
  is your name a misnomer  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  aññ  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  FUCK THE SPANISH KEYBOARD  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  don't fuck the keyboard  
  
**Otabek**  
  STOP  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  maybe i will dont test me  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  hi Otakek  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  google dot com how to die after reading a sentence  
  
**Otabek**  
  Please don't  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  ill help u  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  brb im off to kermit  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  kermit sudoku  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  sudoku  
  
**이승길**  
  What  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  anyway bye i hate myself and i hate you all  
  
**이승길**  
  That's fine by me  
  
**Otabek**  
  is this u right now  
_[image_088.png sent]  
_  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  数独  
  sudoku  
  
**이승길**  
  Isn't that nikiforov's old outfit

 **LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  Yea boii  
  How did that fit you

 **이승길**  
  Was nikiforov ever that small  
  
**Otabek**  
  His legs are 70% of his body  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  So Yuri could fit into it  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  Otakek how can you be yurio's friend  
  
**Otabek**  
  He's cool  
  We met in an alleyway  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  ...what's your definition of cool?  
  
**Otabek**  
  ...that sounds sketchy but it's not like that  
  
**이승길**  
  I met my dog in an alleyway  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  what's your dog's name  
  
**Otabek**  
  Did u steal it  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**  
  sounds like an appropriate meeting place for both yurio and Otakek ngl  
  
**이승길**  
  No  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  is that the dog's name or  
  
**이승길**  
  His name is june  
  He escaped from a dog shelter and he's mine now

 **dickiforov  
**    WHO ARE YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eventually everyone started claiming i was like yurio in the other chats so uh  
> tell me im not yurio and make me feel better @uranohoshi on tumblr


	4. chapter 2.75: the author is confused, or, what did you just fucking say to makkachin you little bitch?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there was an argument over this chapter because SOMEONE (looking at you double letters) didn't want to put in "dogs can't type"  
> it made it in  
> ALSO YURIO ISN'T THIRSTY REGARDLESS OF WHAT ANYONE SAYS IN THIS CHAPTER TRUST ME I WOULD KNOW

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   who has the rihanna wink gif meme

 **dickiforov  
**   i don't

 **이 승길  
**   You don't what

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   have hair? we know.

 **mila malfoy  
**   :joy:  
  stop that  
  bad face

 **이 승길  
**    Your fiance hugged me you know

 **dickiforov  
**   arent yuuri’s hugs great? <3  
  look at my son i love him  
  _[image_932.png sent]_

 **이 승길  
**   No thanks

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   creamy lemon head

 **mila malfoy  
**   creamy  
 lemon boy

 **이 승길  
**   Creamy.

 **dickiforov  
**   makkachin stop talking go choke on hot buns or smth

 **이 승길  
**   Why does your dog have a phone  
 That

 **Otabek  
**   Why do u

 **이 승길  
**   That's not possible

 **dickiforov  
**   bc i'm rich and i love him

 **이 승길  
**   Dogs can't type

 **mila malfoy  
**   woof  
  bork

 **이 승길  
**   Are you sure that's your dog with a phone

 **dickiforov  
**   yes he's a good boy

 **Otabek  
**   Are you sure that's not jj

 **이 승길  
**   Dogs don't have thumbs  
 They can't type

 **Otabek  
**   Speech to text?

 **dickiforov  
**   i had makkachin learn how

 **이 승길  
**   You need to press a button for that

 **mila malfoy  
**   :dog2:

 **dickiforov  
**   with his nose

 **mila malfoy  
**   woof  
  woof  
  wood  
  wofjdjcj  
  wofof

 **이 승길  
**   Dogs can't use phones

 **dickiforov  
**   shut up seung gil you're a buzz kil  
  a buzz gil

 **이 승길  
**   I know that

 **mila malfoy  
**   i am a dog of advanced intelligence i attended the top colleges in each country and have a phD in shut the fuck up

 **dickiforov  
**   i'm havin pasta rn #vkusnobabes

_[image_3991.png sent] _

**이 승길  
**   ...

 **mila malfoy  
**   feed me

 **dickiforov  
**   who's a good boy? do u waaaant a treaaaat

 **mila malfoy  
** you can feed yourself but not me you lazy boy

 **dickiforov  
**   gasp  
  dont speak to me that way makka

 **이 승길  
**   I don't understand

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   gilly: dogs can't type  
  makka: what the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? i'll have you know i graduated top of my class in the navy seals—

 **이 승길  
**   Stop calling me gilly

 **dickiforov  
**   GOOD BOY

 **mila malfoy  
**   yes i am good boi  
  bork

 **이 승길  
**   I'm not a fish

 **dickiforov  
**   i think someone in our division mentioned they have a fish kink :eyes:  
 might wanna look into it seung gil

 **이 승길  
**   What.

 **dickiforov  
**   anyway i love yuuri

 **mila malfoy  
**   confession: sometimes i drink the toilet water and then lick victor's face

 **Otabek  
**   Where's yuuri

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   I LOVE YUURI TOO

 **Otabek  
**   He's cool

 **dickiforov  
**   DW MAKKACHIN UR STILL A GOOD BOY

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   YUURI IS THE BEST PERSON TO EVER WALK THE FACE OF THIS MISERABLE PLANET

 **Otabek  
**   Hi makkachin

 **이 승길  
**   Okay

 **Otabek  
**   Can he understand us

 **mila malfoy  
**   Woof

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   bork

 **mila malfoy  
**   bork

 **Otabek  
**   Bark

 **mila malfoy  
**   Bark

 **이 승길  
**   This is why i don't want to join group chats.

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   ANYWAYS BACK TO YUURI!!! VIKTOR LETS TALK ABOUT UR HUSBAND

 **dickiforov  
**   look at my fiancé isn't he amazing i love him  
[_[image_2923.png sent]_](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/265976701757030400/266047068068380673/image.png)

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   HES THE BEST

 **이 승길  
**   No

 **mila malfoy  
**   he's sweaty

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   I LIVE FOR HIM

 **Otabek  
**   _[[image_047 sent]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/265976701757030400/266047126406955009/39571cc1-1cf6-4d99-9409-9d13f97c58e1.png)  
_   ...

 **mila malfoy  
**  chase him

 **dickiforov  
**   i love him

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   HES BEAUTIFUL AND HEAVENLY AND HE SHINES BRIGHTER THAN ANY OF THE STARS

 **dickiforov  
**   so much  
 makkachin go bite seung gil

 **mila malfoy  
**   woof

 **Otabek  
**   DONT

 **이 승길  
**   I'm in korea

 **Otabek  
**   BAD BOY

 **mila malfoy  
**   :3

 **tuition placenta  
**   makkachin kill seung gil

 **tuition placenta  
**   prove your fucking dominance

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   HE IS THE EPITOME OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND PURE AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I LOVE BEING ALIVE

 **mila malfoy  
**   WOOf

 **dickiforov  
**   YURIO my son

 **mila malfoy  
**   Bork

 **tuition placenta  
**   who makkachin  
  IM NOT YOUR SON

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   see i fuckign told you yurio  
  anyways back to yuuri he's the only one who matters here

 **dickiforov  
**   yes

 **tuition placenta  
**   wow thabks  
  thanks mother Fucker

 **dickiforov  
**   yurio watch your language

 **Otabek  
**   He's never on social media I'm not surprised

 **dickiforov  
**   look at baby yuuri i want to squish his cheeks  
_[[image_8823.png sent]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/265976701757030400/266047465122299904/image.png)_

 **Otabek  
**   Cute

 **이 승길  
**   Did you steal baby pictures of your fiance and scan them just for this

 **dickiforov  
**   ...maybe  
 I blame phichit

 **tuition placenta  
**   dont be an ass no hair old man  
  let them speak cake

 **이 승길  
**   I'm not sure that's how the saying goes

 **dickiforov  
**   hahaha you're so cute when you're angry like a little cat

 **tuition placenta  
**   its good enough for right now it DOESNT make a difference  
  _and who the hell are you to get off calling me that_

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   viktor

 **dickiforov  
**   anyway back to yuuri i love his eyes and his smile and his cheekbones and his hair    and the way his eyes sparkle  
_[[image_8897.png sent]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/265976701757030400/266048117575516163/image.png)_

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   can you send more pictures of yuuri  
 YES I LOVE HIM

 **이 승길  
**   ...Do you have some kind of Katsuki shrine...

 **dickiforov  
**   no of course not! hahaha but i have seen his posters of me

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   NO BUT IM VERY DEDICATED AND I HAVE VINTAGE POSTERS

 **tuition placenta  
**   yuuri fetish

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   better than being a furry

 **이 승길  
**   Ouch.

 **dickiforov  
**   i love yuuris smile and the way his glasses slip down his nose and his hair growing longer i love yuuri so much (^♡^)/ ✿

[ **_[_** _image_9287.png sent]_ ](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/265976701757030400/266048617909846016/image.png)

**nuggie.jpg  
**   HE LOOKS SO PURE  
  HE IS SO PURE

 **dickiforov  
**   i can't wait to see him win gold

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   HIS SMILE IS THE LIGHT THAT LEADS ME THROUGH THE DARK TIMES

 **이 승길  
**   Why do you just have photos of him to post here

 **tuition placenta  
**   im concerned

 **nuggie.jpg**  
  shut up no one asked you yurio  
  
**dickiforov**  
  don't worry i get all of these from phichit  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  legitimate concern dot jpg  
  
**dickiforov**  
  if you should be worried about anyone it should be him  
  
**이 승길**  
  That's... not an improvement  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  shut the fuck up minami dot mp4  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  google dot com how to shut up a child  
  
**이 승길**  
  You both are like... twelve  
  
**dickiforov**  
  where is my yuuri  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  i only look like im twelve  
  he actually is twelve  
  
**이 승길**  
  How old are you.  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  im 18   
  
**이 승길**  
...That sounds fake but okay  
  
**dickiforov**  
  minami is HOW OLD?  
  wow !  
  i had no idea  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  shrug.jpg  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  minami just turned three yesterday  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  YURIO WAS BORN YESTERDAY  
  
**dickiforov**  
  speak for yourself yurio  
  au where we’re all 69  
  
**tuition placenta** **  
**   minami just was conceived  
  happy conception minami !  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  yurio doesnt even fuckign exist yet  
  
**tuition placenta** **  
**    mother FUCKER  
  
**이 승길**  
  I still don't know how you got my number  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  happy times  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  tbt to when i didnt exist. lets go back

 **dickiforov**  
  i love him so much  
_[[image_1239.png sent]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/265976701757030400/266049366391783434/image.png)_  

 **이 승길  
**    I haven't shared it with anyone except sara and phichit **  
  
**tuition placenta**  
**   > phichit **  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
**    why phichit hmm **  
  
**이 승길**  
**   No  
**  
**tuition placenta**  
**   probably some gay shit  
  who cares  
**  
**nuggie.jpg**  
**   me? **  
  
**tuition placenta**  
**   again  
  who cares  
**  
**nuggie.jpg  
****   'No' isnt a satisfactory answer, gilly

 **이 승길**  
  No  
  
**dickiforov**  
  phichit is an excellent skater im looking forward to seeing him at the nationals  
  
**이 승길**  
  It should be exciting.  
  
**dickiforov**  
  he carries himself very well  
  
**nuggie.jpg**  
  phichit is a great skater i hope i get to talk to him!!  
  
**dickiforov**  
  i also look forward to seeing Otabek's performances. at the gpf his programs were very refreshing  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  you make it sound like hes water  
  "Otabek's short program kept me hydrated!"

 **dickiforov**  
  what are you thirsty yurio? :sweat_drops:  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  um go fuck yourself mayhaps?

 **dickiforov  
**   hahaha

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   mayhaps

 **dickiforov  
**   such an angry kitten

 **이 승길  
**   Isn't he your son

 **tuition placenta  
**  hello 112 im being cyberbullied  
 arrest this man  
 hes balding and old  
 and hes harassing me

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   define harassment yurio

 **tuition placenta  
**   if you are mean to me One (1) time  
  its harassing me

 **이 승길  
**   Okay

 **dickiforov  
**   i'm just kidding yurio you know i love you

 **tuition placenta  
**   you cant fool me you trick ass bitch  
  anyway it wouldnt matter cause i hate you

 **dickiforov  
**   ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ✿  
 no you don't

 **tuition placenta  
**   google says i do  
  president says i do  
  everyone says i do but you

 **dickiforov  
**    _[image_107.png sent]  
_   president of where

 **tuition placenta  
**   you are outnumbered  
  everywhere  
 superpresident

 **dickiforov  
**   you're cute  
 anyway where's yuuri

 **tuition placenta  
**   I AM N O T

 **dickiforov  
**   i miss him

 **tuition placenta  
**   yuuri found dead in st petersburg

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   NO  
  NONONONONONONO

 **dickiforov  
**   haha he must still be tired from our session  
  skating session

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   oooh shit

 **dickiforov  
**   :wink:

 **tuition placenta  
**   please do not elaborate  
 i have heard Enough

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   what went down viktor

 **tuition placenta  
**   he did probably

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   please do elaborate

 **dickiforov  
**   yuuri did. on me

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   heeck yeah

 **tuition placenta  
**   google dot com how to fucking die instantly

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   did he dick ya down

 **tuition placenta  
**   _google i need answers stat_

 **dickiforov  
**   hahaha i kid i kid we only practiced his routine  
  or did we

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **tuition placenta  
**   google dot com how to kill someone and yourself at the same time

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   two guns probably

 **tuition placenta  
**   too much effort

 **이 승길  
**   What

 **tuition placenta  
**   what

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   hey yurio  
 how often do you say "huh"

 **tuition placenta  
**   no comment

 **이 승길  
**   He says it a lot

 **tuition placenta  
**   and how would you know

 **이 승길  
**   I haven't talked to him a lot and he said it so much

 **tuition placenta  
**   i fucking dont  
 you can keep lying to yourselves  
 wake up skaters

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   oh yeah gilly competed against u

 **tuition placenta  
**  wake up knife shoes

 **nuggie.jpg  
**  ice skates?

 **tuition placenta  
**   blocked

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   do it and save me the effort, creamy lemon boy

 **tuition placenta  
**   stop calling me that  
  ketchup head

 **이 승길  
**   Why are you calling him ketchup head

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   idk man ketchup head sounds better than creamy lemon boy

 **tuition placenta  
**   its like a stain of ketchup in his hair

 **이 승길  
**   ...Oh

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   viktor your son is bullying me

 **dickiforov  
** (◕‿◕✿) where. is. yuuri.

 **tuition placenta  
**   yuuri died  
 sometimes i can still hear his voice

 **이 승길  
**   Why are you calling yuri "lemon head" when _your_ hair is yellow

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    because his hair is yellower than mine

 **dickiforov  
**   more of yakov's problem than my own

 **tuition placenta  
**   he told me to tell you to fuck off

 **dickiforov  
**   yurio behave

 **tuition placenta  
**   im not your fucking child,

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   its what ive decided

 **tuition placenta  
**   what is the basis for yellow

 **nuggie.jpg  
**  subjective

 **tuition placenta  
**   um sweaty yellow looks different from person to person :) your yellow could be my black

 **이 승길  
**   ...How edgy

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   but the hex code is ffff00

 **tuition placenta  
**   or maybe your black is my yellow  
  lets shake it up a little  
  barry  
  ooming!

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   ooming  
  also thats not how color theory works but okay

 **tuition placenta  
**   have you not seen bee movie  
  have you not fucking lived **  
**   anyway makkachin seung gil kicked his dog

 **dickiforov  
**   NO

 **tuition placenta  
**   get him

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    i dont want to hear the creamy lemon boy tell me anything about the bee movie

 **dickiforov  
**   i will steal his dog

 **이 승길  
** Don’t touch my dog. i never kicked him

 **tuition placenta  
**   do g  
  do it

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   also leave gilly alone what did he do to you

 **tuition placenta  
**   exist

 **dickiforov  
**   makkachin might need a friend while yuuri and i are away

 **mila malfoy  
**   :scream:

 **tuition placenta  
**   you were born and it hurt my feelings seung gil

 **이 승길  
**    I don't kick dogs

 **mila malfoy  
**   wrong emoji  
  :anguished:

 **tuition placenta  
**   i didnt even exist but i was hurt  
  i hate emojis

 **dickiforov  
**   yurio is a mere fetus

 **tuition placenta  
**   emojis are for losers

 **tuition placenta  
**   exactly

 **mila malfoy  
**   :cold_sweat:

 **이 승길  
**   I didn’t do anything to june

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   june is a good

 **tuition placenta  
**   and you kick june.  
  how could you.

 **mila malfoy  
**   :triumph:

 **이 승길  
**   I don't kick dogs.

 **tuition placenta  
**   i would never kick my cat.  
  and you kick your dog.  
  smh

 **mila malfoy  
**   don't kick animals thats fucked up

 **이 승길  
** **_I don't_ **

**dickiforov  
**   yurio we should go see the emoji movie. and by we i mean you. yuuri and i can drop you off with some friends while we go shopping

 **tuition placenta  
**   don't you dare victor or i will ruin your fucking life

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   what the fuck can you do lmao

 **tuition placenta  
**   also not to be that guy but what friends

 **이 승길  
**   I don't kick dogs  
  I'll kick all of you but i'd never kick a dog

 **mila malfoy  
**   dont kick your dogs

 **이 승길  
**   I don't kick dogs

 **tuition placenta  
**   what friends would you drop me off with that would not end in disaster

 **dickiforov  
**   Otabek maybe  
  mila perhaps  
  georgi to piss you off ♡

 **이 승길  
**    Do they have the emoji movie in russia

 **tuition placenta  
**   mila isnt my friend

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   i would offer but i hate his guts so

 **mila malfoy  
**   im offended

 **tuition placenta  
**   see if you sent them all with me i would kill all of them and then myself

 **dickiforov  
**   maybe yakov could take you for ice cream

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   do it

 **tuition placenta  
**   i want to die thinking about it

 **dickiforov  
**   ! i have an idea

 **tuition placenta  
**   vote now should i die before this happens  
  raise your hand

 **dickiforov  
**   how about yuuri and i take you to your favorite store  
  hot topic

 **tuition placenta  
**   Hey Choke?

 **mila malfoy  
**   i can confirm thats his favorite store

 **tuition placenta  
**   YOU DON'T KNOW ME OR MY STORY

 **dickiforov  
**   don't pretend you didn't love the hot topic gift card we gave you for your birthday

 **tuition placenta  
** BYE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090422093340AAoZR78  
> @uranohoshi on tumblr


	5. interlude chapter: 99 bottles of jj on the wall 99 bottles of jj take one down pass it around 98 bottles of jj on the wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the bonus breaking the fourth wall chapter bc we’re fuckasses who can’t rp correctly enjoy bone app the teeth  
> #JusticeForKhloe
> 
> btw -  
> Yurio is khloe  
> Victor is faith  
> Yuuri and Otabek are both viv  
> davai

_ Heres some context so people arent as confused: we were supposed to use two (2) slashes when talking as our irl selves but i (faith who plays dickiforov) kinda fucked that over so here is the mess that happened when i broke the fourth wall and we find out about yurio’s OC named khloe (and victor’s OC faith, and yuuri’s OC Viv, aaannddd otabek’s OC dark viv) ft some more behind the scene moments of us not being in character _

_hi this is khloe (tuition placenta) and I'M NOT YURIO'S FUCKING OC_

**dickiforov  
**    where's that pic of yurios teeth  
   it's so funny

**tuition placenta  
**    what  
   WHAT the fuck

**dickiforov  
**    pretend those messages were slashed

**tuition placenta  
**    what

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    its been a wild day

**tuition placenta  
**    like tires?  
   are you going to slash a message like tires?  
   how does that even work  
   do you put  
   actually please slash your messages  
   with a knife  
   just stick it into the phone

**dickiforov  
**    shut the fuck up khloe i'm slashing the fourth wall too

**tuition placenta  
**    who the khloe is fuck

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    wild

**tuition placenta  
**    leo who is "khloe"

**katsuDON'T  
** //lol why do i have this  
 

**dickiforov  
**    hi i'm victor and this is JACKASS

**tuition placenta  
**    is this like that john from state farm

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    jeugjfjfhruffbjrbc IM LAUGHING

**tuition placenta  
**    jack from state farm  
// THAT WAS DOUBLE SLASHED

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    my impact i love introducing myself and adding WELCOME TO JACKASS AT THE END

**katsuDON'T  
** //?????

**tuition placenta  
** // im c ryign why did you save that pcitrure

**katsuDON'T  
** //????????????????????????????????????????/

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
** //why not

**dickiforov  
** //i'm crying i love that picture

**tuition placenta  
**    victor who the fuck is "khloe" are you cheating on yuuri

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
** //firfrdhhrg

**dickiforov  
**    khloe is yurio’s OC

**tuition placenta  
**    anyway victor wheres your fucking blankets

**dickiforov  
**    In my ass

**tuition placenta  
**    i  need a fuciking blanket

**dickiforov  
**    TOO BAD BINCH NONE BLANKET WITH LEFT ASS FOR U

**tuition placenta  
**    its not for me dumb fuck

**dickiforov  
**    is it for ur OC

**tuition placenta  
**    IT'S NOT MY FUCKING OC  
   its yours. i dont even know

**dickiforov  
**    khloe is khold

**tuition placenta  
**    WHO THE HELL IS KHLOE!!

 

 **dickiforov  
**    and what the fuck happened to our sleepover. what in the gotdamn? i must be as drunk as yuuri or this is a mf plothole  
  
 **tuition placenta**  
   otabek victor will answer  you  
   ask him who "khloe" is  
   he mentioned this "khloe" earlier  
  
 **Otabek**  
   ...who is she  
   ?  
  
 **dickiforov**   
   khloe is yurio's OC  
  
 **tuition placenta**  
  NOT MY FUCKING OC  
// you spelled my name wrong  _(note: faith wrote "lhloe")_  
  
 **LEOLIKESPENISO**  
   toe's oc  
  
 **tuition placenta**  
   victors oc?  
   makes sense  
   are you living vicariously through "khloe"  
  
 **dickiforov**  
   i don't have any OCs  
  
 **tuition placenta**  
   obviously you do  
  
 **dickiforov**   
//fuck off khloe blease accept that yurio made an OC named khloe  
  
 **tuition placenta**  
   oc...original chloe  
// NO!!!!  
// i dont want to be associated with yurio in ANY WAY unless i start it  
  
 **dickiforov**  
//victor made an OC named faith and yuuri made an OC named viv  
  
 **tuition placenta  
** // and I DIDNT START IT  
// yuuri and otabek have the same oc  
  
 **dickiforov**  
//otabek's OC is dark viv  
  
 **Otabek**  
//w h y  
  
 **tuition placenta**  
// darK VIV  
  
 **Otabek**  
//i'm always dank viv  
  
 **tuition placenta**  
// dark viv show me the forbidden memes  
// dank viv  
  
 **dickiforov**  
//otabek: "and here's my art of my OC dark viv taking a fucking sip"  
  
 **tuition placenta**  
// 78YWIFEHJ  
  
 **dickiforov**  
//i'm crying  
  
 **LEOLIKESPENISO**  
//firfrdhhrg  
  
 **katsuDAMN**  
// :sip: :highnoon: here are some of dark viv's memes  
  
 **Otabek**  
   I found the kitchen knife  
   I'm letting the tiger loose  
  
 **dickiforov**   
//i love myself i'm so funny  
  
 **dickiforov**   
//GO LOOSE PIDGE  
  
 **Otabek**   
//WHOOSH  
  
 **dickiforov**  
//are you yuuri rn  
//i'm confused  
  
 **Otabek  
**  


 **tuition placenta**  
// FUN STORY  
// SOMETIMES I LOCK MYSELF OUT  
  
 **dickiforov**  
//this is my fav chapter so far  
 **  
tuition placenta**  
// AND I HAVE TO GO IN THROUGH THE WINDOW DOWNSTAIRS  
 **  
LEOLIKESPENISO**  
//KHLOE BLEASE  
  
 **katsuDON'T**  
//oh boiiiii  
  
 **dickiforov  
** //wait khloe do u lock urself out on purpose?  
  
 **tuition placenta**  
// no  
// its like i forgot my keys inside  
  
 **LEOLIKESPENISO**  
//dasvidanya khloes keys  
  
 **dickiforov**  
//ohh i thought like getting locked out was ur kink or smth  
  
 **LEOLIKESPENISO**  
//maybe it is u dont know  
  
 **tuition placenta**  
// its not ):  
  
 **dickiforov**   
//i look forward to this fic being publsihed

**tuition placenta  
**    khloe found dead in miami  
   good riddance

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    damn

**dickiforov  
**    yurio who is khloe?

**tuition placenta  
**    i dont know i thought you would

**dickiforov  
**    is that your lover

**tuition placenta  
**    why the fuck

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    hehdhdsje

**dickiforov  
**    khlorio  
   otp

**tuition placenta  
**    where even is this khloe  
   DISGUSTING

**dickiforov  
**    sounds like chloroform

**tuition placenta  
**    sounds nasty id shoot them on sight  
   doesnt chloroform make you pass out

**dickiforov  
**    maybe khloe is the memes we had along the way

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    ye

**tuition placenta  
**    fair enough i guess??????

**dickiforov  
** maybe khloe is the gas we passed along the way

**tuition placenta  
** _    die _ **  
  
katsuDON'T  
** //yuuri killed victor with his thunder thighs cause he was woken up  
  
  
**dickiforov**   
//slam me yuuri any time any place i will  __ be there  
  
**tuition placenta**   
// WHY ARE YOY LIKE THSI   
// me, cryinf : is that you as victor or you as yrsef  
  
**dickiforov**   
//this is why im cast as victor  
  
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
//i want yuuri to have that good of a grip on my throat as he does on that pole  
  
**dickiforov**   
//funny how leo's favorite song is "still alive" when all he does is talk about how much he wishes he was dead

__ bonus bonus featuring grace who plays mila malfoy (mostly bc i can see this as smth yurio and mila would do) (khloe: I DON'T,)  
 **this fic is pretty much just everyone bullying me you see this**  


**tuition placenta**   
grace geace  
grace  
cgrace  
hodl me  
grave HOLD me  
grace  
bleSe  
  
 **mila malfoy**  
hold u?  
  
 **tuition placenta**  
ue  
s  
hold me so i dotn Die  
  
 **mila malfoy**  
alright  
u: -is hold- xD nya  
  
 **tuition placenta**  
godmodding  
 _i dont need to be held anymore,_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading this dicking around chapter hope u have a nice life until our next update. also blame khloe for everything.   
> - faith (aka dickiforov)
> 
> i didn’t do anything wrong blame faith   
> \- khloe (aka tuition placenta)
> 
> Please stop fighting   
> \- abril (aka nuggie.jpg/minami)
> 
> Faith and Khloe are both at fault xxo   
> \- dri (aka LEOLIKESPENISO)
> 
> What in the gotdamn   
> \- faith
> 
> Shut ur Fuck faith  
> \- dri
> 
> This is true i was there i was the fault (abril again)
> 
> tag yourself im the khloe (faith strikes back)
> 
> (we’re civilized human beings i assure you) ((at least i am idk abt khloe -abril))(((I AM CIVILIZED YOU FUCKS)))
> 
>  
> 
> In this house we love and appreciate faith and dri, not khloe (or viv)  
> I feel betrayed
> 
> Viv is daaaaaaaank  
> Dark Viv is the best OC ever tem/tem  
> Viv took a fucking sip for me when no one else would signed LEOLIKESPENISO  
> hell fucking right its a mess  - LEOLIKESPENISO
> 
>  
> 
> >>>This is a mess, signed nuttie.jpg<<


	6. chapter 3 (1+2): gotta supercharge it!!! hell on ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Politicians hate them! Local skaters achieve world peace

**dickiforov  
**   anyway back to yuuri ♡ ♡ ♡

 **tuition placenta  
**   why are you LIKE this

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   the light of my life  
  my reason for existence  
  katsuki yuuri

 **dickiforov** ****

**tuition placenta  
**   it feels like theres two victors in this group chat ?

 **dickiforov  
**   no no there is only me

 **tuition placenta  
**    so theres two

 **mila malfoy  
**   thats a good picture victor

 **tuition placenta  
**   is there two victors?

 **mila malfoy  
**   did you take that yourself

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   im just a very dedicated fan of yuuri's

 **tuition placenta  
**   victor 2.0

 **dickiforov  
**   hands off

 **tuition placenta  
**   smaller not balding born in the same country  
  youre almost everything victor isnt

 **mila malfoy  
**   :0

 **tuition placenta  
**    eg not a gpf champion

 **mila malfoy  
**    settle down there pal

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   listen as much as i love yuuri i have no desire to be in a relationship with someone 7 yrs older than me

 **tuition placenta  
**   i said almost

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   why is there a cat tryin to talk to me

 **tuition placenta  
**   who created this sentient ketchup spill

 **dickiforov  
**   :heart: my L words  
  

 **이 승길  
**   You have a twitter don't you

 **tuition placenta  
**   thats literally one of the ugliest pictures

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   hes Lovely

 **dickiforov  
**   i've seen way less flattering pictures of you yurio

 **tuition placenta  
**   the door is right there

 **mila malfoy  
**   did you wake him up and then automatically take a picture of him

 **dickiforov  
**   yuuri is beautiful inside and out

 **이 승길  
**   Sometimes my fans post pictures of my skating  
 I wish they didn't

 **tuition placenta  
**   inside are his organs  
  which are the same as everyone elses  
  almost

**mila malfoy**

  almost?

 **이 승길  
**   Almost

 **tuition placenta  
**   unless you have surgery or some shit

 **tuition placenta  
**   like if you lose a kidney  
  or you broke your shit ass liver

 **mila malfoy  
**   what makes a liver 'shit ass'?

 **tuition placenta  
**   if its broken duh

 **dickiforov  
**   yurio isn't it time for bed

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   doesnt phichit post photos of everyone on his twitter/instagram/other forms of sns??  
  how does that make u feel gilly

 **dickiforov  
**   yurio it's past your bedtime

 **tuition placenta  
**   i don't HAVE a curfew

 **dickiforov  
**   tell that to yakov

 **tuition placenta  
**   FINE

 **dickiforov  
**    _he won't want you to SLAKOV_

 **이 승길  
**   I need to leave

 **tuition placenta  
** _LITERALLY DIE_

 **dickiforov  
**   (◕ω◕✿)

 **dickiforov  
**   sí

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   da

 **tuition placenta  
**   wow language barrier shattered

 **mila malfoy  
**   amazing

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   hai

 **tuition placenta  
**   i cant believe it we've achieved world peace by breaking this language barrier

 **dickiforov  
**   yurio it's time for bed

 **dickiforov  
**   get in your avenge seven fold pajamas and i can tuck u in

 **tuition placenta  
**   avenge  
  also I'M SIXTEEN I DON'T NEED TO BE TUCKED INTO BED  
  AND MY PAJAMAS DON'T HAVE THE AVENGERS ON THEM

 **dickiforov  
**   haha did i misspell it?

 **tuition placenta  
**   yes dumbfuck

 **dickiforov  
**   clever choice of words yuratchka  
  sleep well, yurio

 **mila malfoy  
**   shhhh the baby is sleeping

 **tuition placenta  
**   I'M NOT GOING TO BED YET

 **mila malfoy  
**   yurio i have a question

 **tuition placenta  
**   no you dont

 **mila malfoy  
**   yes i do

 **tuition placenta  
**   and my names not yurio  
  its YURI

 **mila malfoy  
**   please answer it

_[image]_

**dickiforov  
**   goodnight everyone ! ♡ i shall see you all tomorrow bright and early on the rink

 **이 승길  
**   No you won't  
  I'm in korea

 **tuition placenta  
**   i think i would know my own name

 **mila malfoy  
**   just answer my fucking question yurio

 **tuition placenta  
**   im running away tonight

 **dickiforov  
**   well i'll see everyone that matters

 **tuition placenta  
**   damn

 **dickiforov  
**   have fun

 **mila malfoy  
**   no youre not

 **tuition placenta  
**   bye im running away from home to be with my grandpa and cat who actually love me  
  did i say home i meant hell

 **mila malfoy  
**   ahem anyways! my question was do you prefer my chemical romance or sleeping with sirens im asking for a friend : )

 **tuition placenta  
**   Neither.

 **tuition placenta  
**   blood on the dancefloor either promotes cannibalism or has members who are cannibals  
  im sure georgi'll love it  
  bye im leaving and sleeping dont talk to me

 **dickiforov  
**   if yurio is lucky he won't be waking up

 **이 승길  
**   What

 **tuition placenta  
**   yes PLEASE  
  one shot one kill victor  
  make it count

 **mila malfoy  
**   are you threatening to kill yurio

 **dickiforov  
**   just trying to relate to my son  
 do you still want to go for ice cream tomorrow or not yurio

 **mila malfoy  
**   can i come

 **dickiforov  
**   sure!

 **tuition placenta  
**   i HATE you stop asking me that

 **mila malfoy  
**   yurio be nice

 **tuition placenta  
**   i dont want to go if milas there

 **이 승길  
**   Just get ice cream yourself

 **tuition placenta  
**   im staying Away

 **dickiforov  
**   we should buy yurio a child leash

 **이 승길  
**   Order it online

 **mila malfoy  
**   good idea!

 **tuition placenta  
**   you are a Freak

 **dickiforov  
**   get it in leopard print

 **mila malfoy  
**   he'd love that  
  what a good gift

 **tuition placenta  
**   IM STILL HERE YOU KNOW??????

 **이 승길  
**   I mean the ice cream  
  I order mine online

 **mila malfoy  
**   oh

 **tuition placenta  
**   wh

 **mila malfoy  
**   doesnt it melt?

 **tuition placenta  
**   Yeah what the fuck

 **이 승길  
**   I don't want to talk to the sellers

 **tuition placenta  
**   what the FUCK

 **이 승길  
**   I put it into the refrigerator later

 **dickiforov  
**   maybe seung gil likes soupy ice cream

 **tuition placenta  
**   its his kink

 **이 승길  
**   No  
  I've only ever gone out for ice cream once and it was terrible

 **mila malfoy  
**   ???

 **tuition placenta  
**   then he found soupy ice cream and fell in love

 **dickiforov  
**   yuuri likes his ice cream with pecan halves and chocolate chips

 **이 승길  
**   I dropped it everywhere and a small child laughed at me

 **tuition placenta  
**   he jacks off to soupy ice cream

 **이 승길  
**   Aren't you twelve

 **tuition placenta  
**   bust a fuckin pecan nut

**nuggie.jpg**

  its true i was there i was the ice cream

 **mila malfoy  
**   chocolate chips get too hard because they freeze  
  i don't agree with yuuri's ice cream decisions

 **dickiforov  
**   yurio watch your language,

 **tuition placenta  
**   fuck is such a versatile swear

 **mila malfoy  
**   bad idea

 **이 승길  
**   And someone asked me for my number so i had to leave

 **dickiforov  
**   sara?

 **tuition placenta  
**   was it mila  
  shes desperate

 **이 승길  
**   It was in korea  
  So no

 **mila malfoy  
**   yurio stop

 **tuition placenta  
**   am i wrong?

 **mila malfoy  
**   YEA

 **이 승길  
**   I know another desperate person  
  Sara crispino  
  Maybe she'll be interested

 **tuition placenta  
**   damn get them together  
  two desperate people looking for love

 **dickiforov  
**   mila i heard from phichit who heard it from chris who heard it from georgi who heard it from leo that sara has a crush on you ♡ :wink:

 **tuition placenta  
**   thats a long grapevine

 **mila malfoy  
**   :scream:

 **tuition placenta  
**   sara whoever the fuck you are youre her only ho

 **dickiforov  
**   love is a beautiful thing

 **tuition placenta  
**   love is fuck

 **mila malfoy  
**   yurio language

 **tuition placenta  
**   MY NAME ISNT YURIO

 **mila malfoy  
**   it is now

 **이 승길  
**   Is it yuri or yurio

 **tuition placenta  
**   yuri

 **dickiforov  
**   yurioooooo yurio yurio yurio

 **tuition placenta  
**    _IT'S YURI_

 **mila malfoy  
**   yurio

 **tuition placenta  
**   IT'S FUCKING YURI  
  ITS NOT SO HARD!!!!!

 **dickiforov  
**   (^♡^)/ YURIO

 **이 승길  
**   I'm just going to call you plisetsky

 **mila malfoy  
**   yurio i have another question

 **tuition placenta  
**   no you dont

 **mila malfoy  
**   yes i do now listen

 **tuition placenta  
**   google it  
  google is your friend  
  your only friend actually

 **이 승길  
**   Google is free.

 **mila malfoy  
**   you can smile??  


**tuition placenta  
**   hello 112,

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   i cant believe yurio can smile

 **이 승길  
**   I didn't know he could smile

 **dickiforov  
**   wow !! that's so rare

 **tuition placenta  
**   thats an ugly picture delete it

 **mila malfoy  
**   no i will not

 **tuition placenta  
**   too late

 **이 승길  
**   Only one photo of me smiling exists

 **tuition placenta  
**   ugly photo i hope it dies

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    doesnt phichit have it

 **이 승길  
**   ...

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   thanks for confirmation gilly!

 **이 승길  
**   ......

 **mila malfoy  
**   yurio stop deleting it

 **tuition placenta  
**   wow gay  
  only when you stop being h*t xxo

 **dickiforov  
**   i heard gay

 **tuition placenta  
**   yeah seung gils gay  
 seung gay

 **이 승길  
**   이 동승길.

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   i cant believe yurio thinks mila is hot

 **tuition placenta  
** would you rather i say Het

 **dickiforov  
**   (^♡^)/

 **tuition placenta  
**   Het  
  Het  
  Het  
  Het

 **dickiforov  
**   who else is gay raise your hand

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   :hand_splayed:

 **이 승길  
**   Mambo

 **mila malfoy  
**   im not het yurio

 **tuition placenta  
**   mambo isnt how you raise your fucking hand

 **mila malfoy  
**    you should know this by now

 **dickiforov  
**    :raising_hand:♂️

 **tuition placenta  
**    mila stop being so h*terosexual

 **dickiforov  
**    mila is far from straight

 **tuition placenta  
**    being rude to minors is a het thing to do

 **mila malfoy  
**   :raised_hands: :raised_hands: :raised_hands: :raised_hands: :raised_hands: :raised_hands: :raised_hands: :raised_hands:  
  both hands up!!

 **이 승길  
**   How many hands do you have

 **mila malfoy  
**   16

 **dickiforov  
**   you should tell sara that mila

 **tuition placenta  
**   i didnt need to know this

 **dickiforov  
**   extra handsy too :wink:

 **tuition placenta  
**   im a minor  
  watch your fucking implications victor

 **dickiforov  
**   then act like it yurio and watch your language

 **tuition placenta  
**   hello 112 a man just threatened me

 **mila malfoy  
**   hello 112 i can confirm this little boy has not been threatened he's making stuff up

 **tuition placenta  
**   hello 112 an old hag just threatened me  
  bye bye babushka (:

 **dickiforov  
**   i'll take away your electronics yurio don't make me put you in time out

 **이 승길  
**    Do you actually have a time out corner

 **tuition placenta  
**   WHO THE HELL PUTS PEOPLE IN TIME OUT ANYMORE

 **dickiforov  
**   yes

 **mila malfoy  
**    yurio i will throw you

 **tuition placenta  
**    IM NOT A CHILD

 **nuggie.jp  
**   parents  
  to their kids

 **dickiforov  
**    he sits in a little chair and faces the wall

 **tuition placenta  
**     A) IM NOT A CHILD  
    B) IM NOT YOUR KID

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    hey viktor are you down to adopt another child  
   with yuuri

 **이 승길  
**    I'm just going to  
   Leave

 **dickiforov  
**    aren't you an adult already minami?

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    not technically

 **tuition placenta  
**    bye we wont miss you

 **dickiforov  
**    yurio be nice

 **tuition placenta  
**    i wont miss you  
   good riddance

 **dickiforov  
**    i won't miss your tantrums  
   or your loud crying to emo music

 **이 승길  
**    Do you three just live in the skating arena

 **tuition placenta  
**   I DON'T CRY TO EMO MUSIC

 **dickiforov  
**    the walls in hasetsu castle were thin i heard it all

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    they live together

 **tuition placenta  
**    either way emo is short for emotional so...

 **mila malfoy  
**    rip phichit you will be missed

 **tuition placenta  
**    phichit found dead in bangkok

 **이 승길  
**    No he’s fine he just posted about skating yesterday

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    hey gilly  
   u sure know a lot abt phichit

 **mila malfoy  
**    he isnt dead?

 **tuition placenta  
**    hes gay  
   we discussed this

 **이 승길  
**    He posts it all on instagram.

 **mila malfoy  
**    ah

 **tuition placenta  
**    so you follow him on ig  
   hes gay  
   case closed

 **이 승길  
**    ...

 **mila malfoy  
**    :eyes:

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    hey gilly  
   i thought you hated sns

 **이 승길  
**    Sns  
   I post pictures of my dog  
   He commented on every single one of them.

 **tuition placenta  
**    gay

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    i nt e r es ti ng  
   hey gilly do u want to date phichit chulanont

 **mila malfoy  
**    i think he wants to be more than friends with you  
   like  
   gay

 **tuition placenta  
**    you could not have segwayed into that any worse  
   segue  
   whatever  
   who cares  
   not me

 **mila malfoy  
**    segue?

 **이 승길  
**    I need to leave

 **tuition placenta  
**    its like segway but cooler

 **mila malfoy  
**    my mom says i need to leave right now immediately

 **tuition placenta  
**     it looks like it would be pronounced segoo

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    gilly's embarrassed!  
   sorry gilly!

 **mila malfoy  
**    segué

 **tuition placenta  
**    seung gay

 **이 승길  
**    No more questions about phichit i am leaving goodbye

 **tuition placenta  
**    gay

 **mila malfoy  
**    i agree with yurio

 **이 승길  
**    Goodbye

 **mila malfoy  
**   :wave:

 **Otabek  
**    900 messages  
   I hate you all

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    hi Otakek

 **tuition placenta  
**    wheres victor i bet hed find this """"refreshing"""""

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    (yurio's feelin salty)

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    what the fuck is happening

 **Otabek  
**    I'm not sure  
   Why did I agree to this  
   Anyways how is everyone

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    fuck u

 **Otabek  
**    Nice to know leo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone @ seung gil: so how was your day? do you like to kiss guys  
> @uranohoshi on tumblr just fucking...murder me because i cant fuckign format images so just fucking murder me


	7. chapter 4: khloe craves death by knife shoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> college process + executive dysfunction = i crave death like goats crave that mineral  
> on that note, howdy  
> this is part one of a Big Update...end of the gigapause

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    dasvidanya binches

**nuggie.jpg  
**    that means bye leo

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    im aware

**이 승길  
**    Why are you calling us all binches

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    (;

**tuition placenta  
**    google dot com how to die on the spot  
   i dont need to prove im not het to you

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    its not a phase mom

**이 승길  
**   Music is subjective

**tuition placenta  
**   what do you listen to gregorian chants all dy  
  day  
  mother fucker

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    dy

**tuition placenta  
**    shit  
   i mean fricker  
   whatever  
   same difference

**Otabek  
**    Welcome to the Madness isn't very classy

**nuggie.jpg  
**    i was about to say smth about music but i listen to swing

**mila malfoy  
**    yurio language  
   youre 12

**tuition placenta  
**    youre like three

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    what would ur fathers say about this

**tuition placenta  
**    theyre not here so you should shut the fuck UP

**mila malfoy  
**    then that must make you a fetus  
   If im three

**Otabek  
**    Yuri is an angry cat

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    god if only

**tuition placenta  
**    tbt to when i wasnt alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he said "fricker" because victor told him not to swear earlier youre welcome  
> also hey did you know that apparently yuri doesnt call yuuri by his real name because he's embarrassed? like fucking same, except not here because I Won't Be A Dick, Yuri  
> @uranohoshi on tumblr


	8. chapter 5: [faith voice] yurio swipes his hot topic gift card through his ass crack for enjoyment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter title gave me second hand embarrassment and now that i've mentioned it you have to look at it too  
> i just realized this was intended to be posted directly after...youre welcome....im so cool..  
> part two of Mass Update 2

**mila malfoy  
**    is yurio a furry?

 **tuition placenta  
**    lets go back

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    leo where's guang hong

 **Otabek  
**    I'm an adult  
   Make it stop

 **tuition placenta  
**    google dot come go Back

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    i wanna talk to someone my age

 **tuition placenta  
**    oh mother fucker

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    (;

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    bc yuri is too small

 **tuition placenta  
**    I'M TWO YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    mila is closer to my age surprisingly enough

 **mila malfoy  
**    yurio youre emo and i have proof!

 **이 승길  
**    ...His existence?

 **tuition placenta  
**    what the fuck kinda shitass proof

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    bring out the receipts

 **mila malfoy  
**   
   look at you.

 **tuition placenta  
**    au where im being Appreciated

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    too ooc

 **tuition placenta**  
   im running away from home see you space shitheads

 **이 승길  
**    Why were you in japan

 **tuition placenta  
**    why was victor in japan

 **이 승길  
**    To coach yuuri

 **mila malfoy  
**    :eyes:

 **이 승길  
**    Were you in japan to coach victor

 **tuition placenta  
**    yes

 **이 승길  
**    Because that's not an answer

 **mila malfoy  
**    yurio: :knife::knife::knife:

 **tuition placenta  
**    i went to coach victor  
   but he fucking sucks so i gave up  
   thats it. thats entirely why  
   NOTHING else.

 **이 승길  
**    Sounds fake

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    sure jan

 **tuition placenta  
**    What did you just say to me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated at the top of my class in the Navy Seals

 **이 승길  
**    You're russian

 **tuition placenta  
**   did i fucking stutter

 **mila malfoy  
**    hey guys lets play 'describe someone in this chat with emojis' ill start: :knife::cat::tiger2::rage::ice_skate:

 **mila malfoy  
**    guess who it is!

 **tuition placenta  
**    ok i'll go next :) :poop: :poop: :poop:

 **이 승길  
**    This is a very easy game

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    urself

 **mila malfoy  
**    yknow what you ass

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    both r yurio

 **mila malfoy  
**    LOL  
   true

 **tuition placenta  
**    literally die

 **mila malfoy  
**    k bye

 **tuition placenta  
**    dasvidanya useless lesbian

 **mila malfoy  
**    dasvidanya asshole

 **tuition placenta  
**    thx boo xxo

 **mila malfoy  
**    i cant believe mila is dead

 **tuition placenta  
**    mila found dead in miami

 **tuition placenta  
**    mila i cant believe you died

 **Otabek  
**    Mila is cool though

 **mila malfoy  
**    mila found dead after kissing a girl

 **tuition placenta  
**    mila died before her lips made contact wtf  
   you wouldnt last a date with a girl

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    ur right she could last two

 **tuition placenta  
**    sorry i dont remember asking your opinion?

 **Otabek  
**    R00d  
   ...is that how to meme

 **tuition placenta  
**    Yes  
   Thats Exactly It

 **mila malfoy  
**    i need a gf

 **Otabek  
**    I need a new bike

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    no one asked for you here yurio yet here you are and so is my opinion

 **tuition placenta  
**    fine if you dont  Want me here i'll Leave. is that what you want  
   that question is rhetorical

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    bc u know the answer

 **tuition placenta  
**    IF THATS HOW YOU WANT TO BE I'LL GO

 **Otabek  
**    Was Leo always this salty  
   He was nice on ice

 **tuition placenta  
**    lets TAKE THIS OUTSIDE  
   meet me in st petersburg at 2 pm tomorrow  
   BYE!!!!

 **Otabek  
**    Yuri doesn't have a heart, only a fist sized space for cats

 **mila malfoy  
**    true!  
   yuri you should bring your cat to watch you skate sometime

 **tuition placenta  
**    neko atsume but for humans

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    yurio what the fuck

 **tuition placenta  
**    i fucked up that sentence

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    do u want to collect humans?

 **tuition placenta  
**    im not fixing it

 **mila malfoy  
**    yuri let everyone meet your cat

 **tuition placenta  
**   no thanks you arent worthy

 **mila malfoy  
**   you're a pussy

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   are we human or are we dancer

 **tuition placenta  
**   literally fuck off?

 **mila malfoy  
**   we're neither

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   the signs are vital

 **mila malfoy  
**   We Are Gamers

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   hey gamers

 **tuition placenta  
**   my gender is gamer

 **mila malfoy  
**   hey gamers

 **tuition placenta  
**   Female  
  Male  
 Gamer

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    _wipes snot on sleeve_ hey gamers today we're playing minecraft

 **tuition placenta  
**   leo what the shit thats nasty

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   you would know i got it from ur video

 **mila malfoy  
**   hey yiru if you can compliment me once i'll buy you some clothes that are actually fashionable

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   yiru

 **tuition placenta  
**   hey die ive never made a youtube video in my life  
  yiru

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   hey gilly how tall r u

 **tuition placenta  
**   one cm

 **이 승길  
**  170 centimeters  
 Or 5'7 for leo if he is even here

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   :0 ur 25 cms taller than me  
  i'm 5'1" if leo's here!

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**  what

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   i saw my nam  
  e

 **tuition placenta  
**   nam

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   HET

 **이 승길  
** Why did you just type Het

 **tuition placenta  
**    is minami het

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    no

 **tuition placenta  
**    smh i fucking tr*sted you

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    im gayer than seung

 **이 승길  
**    That's not even possible.

 **tuition placenta  
**    this is some top tier bullshit cant believe minamis het  
   wow why seung gay

 **tuition placenta  
**    why is that not possible

 **Otabek  
**    Don't make fun of everyone Yurio

 **tuition placenta  
**    you Cant stop me

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    thoufht minami was gay for yurio

 **tuition placenta  
**    thought minami was a little shit

 **dickiforov  
**    PLEASE STOP

 **Otabek  
**    I won't give you any more hot topic Giftcards.

 **dickiforov  
**    gasp

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    thought yurio could shut his fuck

 **nuggie.jpg  
**    I WAS RIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cant believe otabeks a homestuck  
> hmu @uranohoshi on tumblr for the release date of neko atsume but for humans


	9. chapter 6: STOP FUCKING CALLING HIM OTAKEK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tuition placenta  
> ┏┓  
> ┃┃╱╲ In this  
> ┃╱╱╲╲ house  
> ╱╱╭╮╲╲ we all  
> ▔▏┗┛▕▔ want  
> ╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲  
> death  
> ╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲  
> ▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF SOMEONE SAYS OTAKEK ONE MORE FUCKING TIME  
> update so i learned emojis fuck up your fics but like in the worst way possible. third time's the charm  
> part trois of Irregularly Scheduled Updates

**dickiforov  
**   YUURI YOURE BACK  
     
 **katsuDON'T  
**    hi viktor :)

**Otabek  
**    It's not easy being Otabek  
   Every time I leave the chat turns into a mess  
   I'm not saying its Yurio's fault but  
   Well  
   It kind of is

**nuggie.jpg  
**    of course it is smh

**Otabek  
**    I'm not sure if this is the right saying but viktor and yuuri get a room

**nuggie.jpg  
**    yurio isnt known for his kindness u know

**Otabek  
**    He can be nice when he wants to

**tuition placenta  
**    get a room is the right saying

**Otabek  
**    Oh cool

**tuition placenta  
**    :thumbsup:

**Otabek  
**    :davai:

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    mesd

**tuition placenta  
**    Mesd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, as yurio: i have never done anything wrong, ever  
> me, as myself: i know this but i still hate you  
> @uranohoshi on tumblr i promise to forward your messages to everyone else


	10. chapter 7: heavy metal broke my STOMP STOMP hey gamers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yurio is depressed (its the depression), mila is a Lesbian, & victor and yuuri need to keep their dicks out of this gotdamn gc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> context:  
> tuition placenta - Yesterday at 6:54 PM  
> // its so small im losing my fuck  
> dickiforov - Yesterday at 6:55 PM  
> /heavy metal broke my  
> /gamerescape /  
> tuition placenta - Yesterday at 6:55 PM  
> // WHAT  
> dickiforov - Yesterday at 6:55 PM  
> IDK WHAT HAPPENED JUST NOW  
> /lmao  
> ily (I love yuuri) - Yesterday at 6:55 PM  
> I don't know what's happening every  
> Day

**mila malfoy  
**    Hi

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    :sin: hello

**mila malfoy  
**    henlo everyone

**dickiforov  
**    hello skaters welcome back to

**tuition placenta  
**    hell

**dickiforov  
**    waw ! good job yurio see we're a great team

**tuition placenta  
**     _you didnt finish your own sentence???? how is that team work at all???_

**dickiforov  
**    jackass would have also worked but ill take hell

**tuition placenta  
** _    the line isnt "welcome back to jackass" _

**dickiforov  
**    we're Bonding ™  
   father son time

**tuition placenta  
**   gross disgusting 0/10 i want none of this

**dickiforov  
**    dont be a fucjing asshoke about it yurio or im taking you bak to the doorstep where yakov stole u

**tuition placenta  
**    ill be as much of an _asshoke_ that i want to be you can't stop me

**dickiforov  
**    people can only change themselves  
   unfortunately u are a stubborn bitch and will orbably stay that way for 8989389 years

**tuition placenta  
**    why are you trying to be philosophical now

**Otabek  
**   Um  
  :davai: ?

**tuition placenta  
**    :davai:

**dickiforov  
**    otakek?  
   anyway yuuri i was thinking….  
   when i die i want you to cremate me urself then insert my ashes into your asshole  
   i wanna stay there forever when i die

**katsuDON'T  
**    VIKTOR WHY?!  
   I love u but please don't...

**tuition placenta  
**    hey uhhh give me fair warning before you say some nasty shit  
   jesus fuck i didn't need to read that

**katsuDON'T  
**    Neither did I...  
   I just want you to live a long and happy life :)

**tuition placenta  
**    brb kermitting because i wasnt given a warning thats Filthy  
   Censor Your Swears

**katsuDON'T  
**   I'm not the one that's swearing yurio.  
  You should be more polite :|

**tuition placenta  
**    no thanks  
   being h*ppy is a swear they just inducted it into the swear dictionary  
   god yuuri get with the times

**mila malfoy  
**    hi i'm here

**tuition placenta  
**    leave

**mila malfoy  
**    rude

**dickiforov  
**    hi mila

**mila malfoy  
**    hi viktor

**dickiforov  
**    how was your date last night :wink:  
   i want to know EVERYTHING

**mila malfoy  
**    how do you know my life

**dickiforov  
**    phichit  
   he's  
   Everywhere

**mila malfoy  
**    jesus christ phichit

**katsuDON'T  
**    Viktor what do you want for dinner?

**dickiforov  
**    hmmm lets do pork cutlet bowls again tonight how about smth light so we can have fun afterward :wink: :wink: :100: :ok_hand:

**mila malfoy  
**    I dont want to know what you're implying

**tuition placenta  
**    mila you have a once in a lifetime opportunity to fucking Kill me  
   this is one of the few times ill ever agree with you appreciate it

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    bye

**mila malfoy  
**    heey guys yurio agrees with me

**katsuDON'T  
**    Awww ;)  
   WAIT VICTOR?!  
   I'm not complaining but let's discuss this in private 〣( ºΔº )〣

**nuggie.jpg  
**    yuuri! <3

**katsuDON'T  
**    Hi!

**이 승길  
**    You all live nearby just speak with your mouth  
   Verbally  
   I am trying to sleep my phone keeps going off

**katsuDON'T  
**    I'm in Russia right now :(  
   Do you have any friends in Korea?

**이 승길  
**    ...My dog

**dickiforov  
**    pull the trigger mila i dare u  
   pull the trigger piglet

**tuition placenta  
**    haha no friend steve

**katsuDON'T  
**    Who's Steve?

**이 승길  
**    My name is seung gil

**tuition placenta  
**    never mind

**dickiforov  
**    steve gilly lee  
   anyway yuuri! mila! i wasnt implying that at all i was thinking we could go for a walk by the beach

**katsuDON'T  
**    Sounds nice!

**dickiforov  
**    :heart_decoration:

**katsuDON'T  
**    But I was thinking about Russian for dinner ;)

**dickiforov  
**    da that sounds  
   wait  
   SAOIDNSIUHFIUEBPGFIEBSO[FVABOZJBF  
   YUURI  
   IBASDFCUIBAWIFDBAWF  
   SUCH EROS  
   AYHUSJFHWEJIDUAWHBVFYUWABEIUDHAPIWHFIUDHFIUAGDUIGiusgiuqgfpiuqg  
   im dyin scoob

**이 승길  
**    Why

**katsuDON'T  
**    (/ω＼) can't believe I said that

**dickiforov  
**    victor.exe has stopped working

**katsuDON'T  
**    Σ(っ°Д °; )っ oh nooo

**dickiforov  
**    now is the timw to cremate me yuuri  
   put my ashes in your ashhole

**katsuDON'T  
**    ¡NOOOOO!

**이 승길  
**    Get your own channel

**katsuDON'T  
**    Sorry (๑¯ω¯๑)

**tuition placenta  
**    which ended first this chat or me  
   read the book to find out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so what if i just changed the post year so it said it came out last year thatd be fucking hilarious wouldnt it  
> @uranohoshi on tumblr


	11. chapter (sk)8: whos that pokemon? iiiiiiits Gun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha au where i update consistently. wild folks. ive got the audience dying of laughter here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suicidal ideation tw fr this chapter. its mentioned a lot but also in passing kinda? if that makes sense

**katsuDON'T  
**   Hey yurio do you want to come over?  
  We're playing uno

 **tuition placenta  
**   NO  
  youd probably cry because id win  
  so im not going to  
  i hope you have something to eat im fucking hungry

 **이 승길  
**   I don't think competitive skaters should engage in those kinds of games  
  There is enough drama already

 **tuition placenta  
**   shut the fuck up im going to show their sorry asses that i can beat them no matter what type of sport it is

 **이 승길  
**   Uno isn't a sport

 **tuition placenta  
**   1 800 did i ask

 **이 승길  
**   :seunggil:

 **mila malfoy  
**   are there competitive uno leagues?

 **tuition placenta  
**   thats not the point shut up

 **mila malfoy  
**   if there are competitive leagues i'm sure it can be considered an unofficial sport

 **이 승길  
**   She's proving your point why are you arguing

 **tuition placenta  
**   hey does anyone remember where i asked for seung gils opinion because i sure dont,

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   leave gilly alone!

 **이 승길  
**   Don't ever call me that again

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   but gilly D:

 **tuition placenta  
**   i bet hes, whats that one word

 **이 승길  
**   No

 **tuition placenta  
**   its like  
  tsunami i think  
  what the fuck was the word

 **이 승길  
**   Why would i know japanese

 **tuition placenta  
**   minami what the fuck was the word  
  motherFucker now you leave

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   tsundere

 **mila malfoy  
**   tsunami

 **tuition placenta  
**   thats what he is  
  he's tsundere  
  i bet he fucking loves being called gilly  
  sends him over the moon  
  or whatever

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   "or whatever"

 **이 승길  
**   Don't fucking speak to me ever again

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   oooooh gilly swore

 **mila malfoy  
**   anyone wanna know something yurio does to prepare before competitions?

 **tuition placenta  
**   no  
  no  
  absolutely no one does

 **mila malfoy  
**   i'm sure someone does

 **tuition placenta  
**   i think the fuck Not  
  wow thats too bad  
  no one wants to know  
  soz  
  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
  
 **mila malfoy**  
  anyway he listens to eye of the tiger for three hours straight before his competitions

 **이 승길  
**   That song is not even good

 **tuition placenta  
**   you can FUCK OFF and DIE mayhaps  
  you can fuck right off

 **dickiforov  
**   oh yurio please  
  everyones heard u listening to it by now

 **tuition placenta  
**   delete yourselves

 **이 승길  
**   Oh that explains skate canada

 **dickiforov  
**   ur headphone volume is always turnt up so loud

 **tuition placenta  
**   google dot com im offing myself

 **mila malfoy  
**   turnt up

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   offing sounds... dirty

 **dickiforov  
**   @mila psssst do u know what chris listens to before he skates?

 **tuition placenta  
**   would you rather i say jack off because thats not what i meant and i dont have a dick to jack off with but i will  
  google dot com im gonna jack myself off

 **mila malfoy  
**   is this you offering to tell me or are you genuinely asking

 **dickiforov  
**   i know i just want u to guess  
  i'll give you a hint: it starts with the letter q

 **tuition placenta  
**   careless whisper  
  qareless whisper

 **dickiforov  
**   so close

 **tuition placenta  
**   damn i really thought i had it  
  whatever i didnt give a fuck in the first place

 **mila malfoy  
**   what is it

 **tuition placenta  
**   you didnt fucking guess

 **mila malfoy  
**   shut the fuck up gremlin

 **tuition placenta  
**   ok desperado

 **dickiforov  
**   queef on me ft jaboi

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   ...oh

 **이 승길  
**   ...Queef

 **tuition placenta  
**   hey never talk ever again?

 **dickiforov  
**   you too  
  :blue_heart:

 **mila malfoy  
**   NO

 **이 승길  
**   So you actually listen to music that isn't in your programs before you skate

 **tuition placenta  
**   i do

 **mila malfoy  
**   <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UuvdYtZ68Eg>  
  i was gonna guess this BUT it doesnt start with q  
  CupcakKe - Spider-Man Dick

 **dickiforov  
**   that was on his top songs of 2016 playlist so very close @mila malfoy

 **tuition placenta  
**   ive never once listened to the eye of the tiger once in my life before a program

 **이 승길  
**   But you did

 **tuition placenta  
**   i did Not

 **dickiforov  
**   i didnt raise u to be a liar

 **tuition placenta  
**   YOU DIDNT RAISE ME PERIOD  
  everyone else is just fucking deaf

 **dickiforov  
**   skank ass lyin hoe

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   i listen to swing music before performance

 **dickiforov  
**   SKANK ASS LYIN HOE

 **tuition placenta  
**   TRICK ASS BITCH

 **이 승길  
**   I didn't know it then but i heard someone playing eye of the tiger in skate canada  
  JJ wouldn't stop complaining about it

 **dickiforov  
**   jj can get hit by a train for all we care

 **tuition placenta  
**   jj can suck my metaphorical dick

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   jj never stops complaining though  
  (kinda like yurio...)

 **dickiforov  
**   qareless whisper

 **tuition placenta  
**   what are you implying you shitfuck

 **dickiforov  
**   oh yurio i didnt know thats how u felt about him

 **tuition placenta  
**   hey victor do you have  Gun

 **dickiforov  
**   whos that pokemon  
  gunio

 **mila malfoy  
**   i have gin

 **tuition placenta  
**   even better  
  mila i need the entire bottle

 **이 승길  
**   You aren't nineteen yet

 **dickiforov  
**   yuuri introduced me to pokemon and now i want to Catch them All. catch their hands.

 **tuition placenta  
**   you think i give a fuck  
  mila Where Is The Alcohol

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   neither of you are 19 yet

 **tuition placenta  
**   i am Coming over i want to drink myself to death

 **mila malfoy  
**   youre little baby i cant give it to you

 **dickiforov  
**   do you want a repeat of last year's banquet yurio?  
  BECAUSE I DO

 **tuition placenta  
**   you can fuck right off but leave your alcohol behind  
  no im planning to fucking die  
  i hope i get alcohol poisoning and fuck right off this plane of existence

 **dickiforov  
**   gumbai

 **tuition placenta  
**   gumbai

 **dickiforov  
**   davai  
  :davai:

 **tuition placenta  
**   :thumbsdown:

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   to be fair mila is like over 180 cm tall she could totally pass as over 19

 **mila malfoy  
**   : )

 **dickiforov  
**   mila is a giraffe

 **이 승길  
**   I was talking about the drinking age in korea  
  I don't know what it is in russi  
  a

 **tuition placenta  
**   russi

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   Oh

 **이 승길  
**   Eighteen

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   nvm mila's good then

 **dickiforov  
**   yurio has to wait until hes 18

 **mila malfoy  
**   im not a giraffe

 **이 승길  
**   "There is no law or regulation in Russia that prohibits minors from consuming alcohol, but selling alcohol to minors is prohibited by federal and additional regional laws."

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   you're just very tall!

 **tuition placenta  
**   just dont sell it to me

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   mila is over thirty cm taller than me D:

 **tuition placenta  
**   its a favor for an acquaintance  
  or however the hell you spell that

 **dickiforov  
**   minami and yurio could stack on top of each other and wear a trench coat t get in the bar

 **이 승길  
**   But Why

 **tuition placenta  
**   ew i hate the very idea of physical contact with him  
  thats fucking nasty  
  brb washing myself of that idea

 **dickiforov  
**   the L words thats why

 **tuition placenta  
**   im gonna drown myself in milas gin  
  to forget that

 **dickiforov  
**   u need to wash urself in general

 **이 승길  
**   Does yurio not bathe

 **tuition placenta  
**   what the hell are you saying you piece of shit  
  YES I FUCKING BATHE  
  IM NOT AN ANIMAL

 **dickiforov  
**   i can smell u from me and yuuri's apartment

 **mila malfoy  
**   im gonna hide my gin

 **이 승길  
**   Then why do you have such a disgusting attitude

 **tuition placenta  
**   i could only clean one thing

 **dickiforov  
**   speaking of yuuri where is he  
  @KATSUDON’T

 **tuition placenta  
**   I made a choice

 **dickiforov  
**   yuuri where are you its time for dinner!!!! :kissing_heart: :wink:

 **tuition placenta  
**   google dot com how to shoot myself but without a gun because i dont have one

 **dickiforov  
**   finger guns

 **katsuDON'T  
**   Yurio no!

 **tuition placenta  
**   perfect thanks

 **mila malfoy  
**   google dot com how to make yurio stop making threats on his own life

 **dickiforov  
**   go to america they have guns there

 **tuition placenta  
**   damn youre right  
  hey leo do you have room for one more

 **katsuDON'T  
**   Google.com/saveyurio

 **mila malfoy  
**   victor stop encouraging him

 **dickiforov  
**   mila i need parenting help

 **tuition placenta  
**   gofundme to kms

 **katsuDON'T  
**   Mila help us...

 **tuition placenta  
**   wait gofundme is shit  
  whats like  
  the better gofundme

 **mila malfoy  
**   i'm a better parent to yurio than you are viktor

 **dickiforov  
**   what funds would u possibly need to kill yoursel

 **이 승길  
**   Kickstarter

 **tuition placenta  
**   to get to america jfc  
  kickstarter to kms  
  kmsstarter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FUCKING HATE FORMATTING LET ME DIE  
> if this gets formatted later just be like. sick fam. you did it. thumbs up emoji dot jpg  
> @uranohoshi on tumblr end my suffering


	12. chapter nein (9): seung gil’s kink is melted soupy ice cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> honestly i forget what happens in these chapters so (re)reading them is an experience. have fun

**dickiforov  
**   yurio hates his father (me) :sob:

 **tuition placenta  
**   you arent my dad

 **katsuDON’T  
**   Yurio why don't you come over for dinner :)

 **dickiforov  
**   DO I NEED TO SHOW U THE ADOPTION PAPERS AGAIN

 **katsuDON’T  
**   I made your recipe.

 **tuition placenta  
**   WHAT ADOPTION PAPERS WHAT THE FUCK  
  you made my recipe for what...

 **dickiforov  
**   yuuri i lied when i said theres dinner i thought we were  
  going with the plan  
  to have

 **katsuDON’T  
**   Oh...

 **tuition placenta  
**   dont finish that sentence

 **dickiforov  
**   russian ;)

 **tuition placenta  
**   MOTHer fucker

 **katsuDON’T  
**   Meet me in the bedroom;)

 **dickiforov  
**   WE CAN WHIP UP SMTH NICE THO  
  uhgfyuohbwiadfhcoaiubf

 **tuition placenta  
**   wow kinky

 **dickiforov  
**   yurio wait!

 **tuition placenta  
**   no  
  no im Done  
  ive suffered

 **katsuDON’T  
**   OH NO I FORGOT THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THIS CHAT

 **dickiforov  
**   we can make pork cutlet pirohskis

 **tuition placenta  
**   you spelled it wrong

 **katsuDON’T  
**   Yeah

 **dickiforov  
**   im trying ok im just a dad

 **tuition placenta  
**   you are Native to this Country

 **katsuDON’T  
**   I made them already!

 **dickiforov  
**   respect your father

 **tuition placenta  
**   did being in japan fuck with your head or something  
  YOU'RE NOT MY DAD???

 **dickiforov  
**   step 1.) denial

 **katsuDON’T  
**   ...we're not?

 **mila malfoy  
**   yuri give him a break at least he isn't a little shit 24/7

 **tuition placenta  
**   past tense  
  which yuri

 **mila malfoy  
**   you

 **tuition placenta  
**   im confused time to off myself

 **이 승길  
**   Yurio

 **katsuDON’T  
**   Yurio

 **mila malfoy  
**   you yurii  
  tirio  
  yirio

 **dickiforov  
**   yurio dont make us capture ur grandpa and use him as blackmail

 **이 승길  
**   Tiramisu?

 **tuition placenta  
**   don't fucking touch Grandpa

 **mila malfoy  
**   titamasu??

 **dickiforov  
**   im not afriad to use the plot of the pilot of yugioh

 **tuition placenta  
**   Don't fucking hurt him.

 **이 승길  
**   Yugioh has a plot?

 **dickiforov  
**   he's chilling with us we're gonna make pirohiudcnsidbfus however u soell thm

 **katsuDON'T  
**   Don't hurt his grandpa! He's nice

 **dickiforov  
**   we're nice!!!

 **이 승길  
**   Aren't you a native russian

 **tuition placenta  
**   PI ROZH KI

 **dickiforov  
**   yes but im dumb

 **이 승길  
**   You should know how to spell your own foods  
  Clearly.

 **tuition placenta  
**   he is a Fool

 **dickiforov  
**   i dont spell foods i eat them

 **katsuDON'T  
**   I can tell.

 **tuition placenta  
**   damn savage

 **dickiforov  
**   :heart_decoration:  
  i love yuuri

 **이 승길  
**   ...Why would you marry an idiot

 **dickiforov  
**   and i love my son yurio:heart:

 **tuition placenta  
**   theyre not married theyre engaged get it right

 **dickiforov  
**   YOU DO CARE

 **이 승길  
**   Why would you want to marry an idiot

 **tuition placenta  
**   Hey Fuck Off?

 **katsuDON'T  
**   He's my idiot

 **dickiforov  
**   i may be an idiot but im his idiot

 **katsuDON'T  
**   :vkusno:

 **tuition placenta  
**   this is disgustingly s*ppy

 **dickiforov  
**   :vkusno:  
  :heart_eyes:

 **tuition placenta  
**   blocked blocked blocked

 **dickiforov  
**   now come over for dinner

 **tuition placenta  
**   google dot com can you force people to unadopt

 **katsuDON'T  
**   Nope.

 **dickiforov  
**   the food will be cold if u dont leave now yurio

 **katsuDON'T  
**   We're good dads so come over cause we made katsudon pirozhkis :)

 **tuition placenta  
**   shut the fuck up ill get there on my own time

 **mila malfoy  
**   yurio calm down at least your dad is rich

 **tuition placenta  
**   ok now im not going

 **katsuDON'T  
**   ...just give us 15 minutes were kinda...busy

 **dickiforov  
**   i g2g

 **이 승길  
**   What is a pirozhki

 **tuition placenta  
**   I'm Not Going At All

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   :D YUURI  
  NO COME BACK  
  D:

 **tuition placenta  
**   *a piroshok

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   piroshook

 **tuition placenta  
**   its like...fuck how the hell do i explain this  
  its like ?? bread ??? with stuff inside ???  
  its good  
  its better than i made it sound

 **이 승길  
**   A sandwich

 **tuition placenta  
**   no  
  i would have said that

 **이 승길  
**   So it's a sadwich  
  *sandwich

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   i'm a sadwich when yuuri's gone

 **katsuDON’T  
**   We're back!

 **mila malfoy  
**   that was quick

 **katsuDON’T  
**   From...dinner

 **mila malfoy  
**   jesus christ  
  hit and quit

 **tuition placenta  
**   victor has no stamina

 **katsuDON’T  
**   :nothanks: we had food…

 **이 승길  
**   He won five gold medals  
  I think he has at least some stamina

 **tuition placenta  
**   compared to yuuri thats nothing  
  that sounds weird. i meant yuuri has more stamina

 **katsuDON’T  
**   ╮(╯▽╰)╭

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   YUURI HAS THE MOST STAMINA  
  HES SO TALENTED

 **tuition placenta  
**   victor just cant last

 **katsuDON’T  
**   Anyways sorry yurio victor already ate all the food...

 **tuition placenta  
**   literally fuck off and die victor?

 **katsuDON’T  
**   I'll bake some more tomorrow?

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   YUURI IS SO KIND <3 !!!

 **tuition placenta  
**   its fine

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   (´ω`)

 **katsuDON’T  
**   I know! I'll bake enough for yurio and everyone else  
  Especially for minami

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   !!!!

 **tuition placenta  
**   minamis in japan how in the hell  
  are you going to airmail it

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   IM LOVE YOU YUURI

 **tuition placenta  
**   itll get stale. and moldy  
  youre going to kill your own fan  
  what an asshole

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   IM GONNA FLY THERE FUCK JAPAN

 **이 승길  
**   You could always order ice cream

 **tuition placenta  
**   no one wants to fuckign order ice cream

 **이 승길  
**   That's an opinion

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   BUT THIS WILL BE YUURI’S COOKING  
  THATS... SACRED  
  (´∀｀=) I LOVE YOU YUURI

 **이 승길  
**   ...

 **katsuDON’T  
**   :happey:

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   :hap:

 **mila malfoy  
**   :tiger2:  < yurio  
  thats meant to be an arrow

 **tuition placenta  
**   im greater than all tigers

 **mila malfoy  
**   No

 **tuition placenta  
**   thanks mila xxo

 **mila malfoy  
**   you Liar

 **tuition placenta  
**   nice to know you like me that much

 **mila malfoy  
**   ok fine

 **이 승길  
**   You don't like anyone

 **katsuDON’T  
**   Not even us?

 **mila malfoy  
**   whats going on

 **tuition placenta  
**   mila likes me more than tigers

 **katsuDON’T  
**   Tigers are cool but you're nicer  
  ...bye guys victor wanted me to make more...katsudon so have a nice day :)

 **tuition placenta  
**   you made that sound fucked up i hope i DIe

 **이 승길  
**   Why did you pause before katsudon

 **Otabek  
**   HI ITS OTABEK AND MY CAPS LOCK IS BROKEN

 **tuition placenta  
**   get fucked lmfao

 **이 승길  
**   Oh.

 **tuition placenta  
**   try holding shift

 **이 승길  
**   That

 **Otabek  
**   I HOPE YUURI DIDNT MAKE AN INNUENDO

 **tuition placenta  
**   i said hold the shift button

 **Otabek  
**   is it working now

 **tuition placenta  
**   yes

 **Otabek  
**   oh

 **이 승길  
**   Yes

 **tuition placenta  
**   you're welcome

 **Otabek  
**   but what if i need something in caps lock

 **이 승길  
**   Don't hold down shift then

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   100+ new messages i hate u all

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   leo!

 **mila malfoy  
**   youre welcome!

 **Otabek  
**   SORRY LEO

 **tuition placenta  
**   LEO my new best friend  
  do you have a gun

 **Otabek  
**   ...why do you need a gun  
  im concerned

 **tuition placenta  
**   to shoot myself why the fuck else  
  what else do you do with a gun

 **Otabek  
**   please don't

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   shoot others

 **tuition placenta  
**   sounds dumb

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   shoot objects

 **Otabek  
**   shoot cans?

 **tuition placenta  
**   thats ridiculous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont try this at home i can guarantee my parents are disappointed in me even if its completely unrelated to this  
> @uranohoshi on tumblr


	13. Chapter 10: the return of (my love) phichit and (satan) JJ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [this](https://youtu.be/68ugkg9RePc) is a good song to listen to while reading this chapter. or this entire fic  
>  also the title of the fic is finally said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in an alternate universe i don't have executive dysfunction but also in an alternate universe i never watched yoi so what is the truth

**phichit+chu  
**   aww i think its sweet yuuri has a fan!

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   (//∇//) im a p big phichit chulanont fan too dw

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   choke xxo

 **mila malfoy  
**   why are we telling each other to choke

 **tuition placenta  
**   we're all actually kinky fuckers  
  get with the memo mila xxo

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   i support ALL my fellow asian skaters!

 **phichit+chu  
**   yeah!!

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   are you saying yeah to me or the creamy lemon haired boy

 **tuition placenta  
**   both  
  probably

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   r u sure

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   on that note...  
  where's gilly?

 **phichit+chu  
**   oh bet hes asleep or something

 **katsuDON’T  
**   That sounds like a fish...

 **이 승길  
**   I'm not asleep.  
  I just don't talk when i don't need to  
  Unlike everyone else here

 **katsuDON’T  
**   Hi Gilly...?

 **이 승길  
**   Don't call me that

 **phichit+chu  
**   so people are calling you gilly now huh?? cute nickname!

 **이 승길  
**   No it's not

 **katsuDON’T  
**   Where's otakek?  
  AAHHH typo!

 **phichit+chu  
**   OTAKEK LOLOLOLOL

 **tuition placenta  
**   if you say that one more time  
  K ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO B????

 **phichit+chu  
**   new nickname lmao!!

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   :D

 **Otabek  
**   Uh oh now I have a nickname too :davai:

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   i made the nickname!

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   is there something bothering you  
  if they say what yurio

 **tuition placenta  
**   choke xxo

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   i'm so happy that you think it's a good nickname, phichit :D

 **phichit+chu  
**   so what exactly did i miss in the past few days  
  i need to know everyone  
  everything  
  i already know everyone lol

 **Otabek  
**   I'm otabek and apparently I'm otakek

 **tuition placenta  
**   you're Not

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   you dont know that

 **TheRealKingJJOfficial  
**   HEY SK8RS xX :jjstyle:

 **tuition placenta  
**   blocked reported deleted Goodbye

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   bye  
  im deleting this chat

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   dasvidanya, cruel babes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna make some type of pun off tim hortons for jj's username  
> you know i had to brew it to him  
> @uranohoshi on tumblr yadda yadda yadda


	14. chapter 11: a bee stung yurio in the anus and he Died

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more comprehensive sex ed than you'll get in school...probably

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this is a good time to mention that faith titled all of these chapters

**nuggie.jpg  
**   has the horror passed

**dickiforov  
**   yes  
  now onto the important portion of our lives where we all educate yurio on sex ed

**nuggie.jpg  
**   no

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   yes

**nuggie.jpg  
**   bye viktor i gotta go

**dickiforov  
**   finally lol

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   its important you have to know about safe sex habits

**dickiforov  
**   ok yurio do u know what a condom is?  
  yurio?  
  HES BEEN HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX I KNEW IT

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**  YURIO

**dickiforov  
**   Y U R I O  
  YOU COULD GET A DISEASE  
  AND DIE  
  OR WORSE  
  ITCH RLY BAD ALL THE TIME

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   OR HAVE AN UNENDING BURNING SENSATION

**tuition placenta  
**   what the FUCK is going on  
  i passed the fuck out for like two (2) seconds and i come back to the worst sex ed ever im going to bed Goodbye

**katsuDON’T  
**   Victor don't traumatise him... :yuuri:

**dickiforov  
**   he has to know how to have safe sex! what kind of parents are we if we don't fucken teach him how to sex safely  
  we'll continue this later in private

**katsuDON’T  
**   Are we really experts on this sort of thing?  
  ...dont answer that.

**dickiforov  
**   ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**katsuDON’T  
**   (︶︹︺)

**이 승길  
**   Why were you talking about safe sex about 1 am

**tuition placenta  
**   probably like a mid sex safeword or something Who Knows

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   BC ITS GOOD TO KNOW AND PRACTICE SAFE SEX

**nuggie.jpg  
**   why do u care tho leo  
  do you practice sex at all?

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   thats not the point right now  
  the point is education

**tuition placenta  
**   leos never gotten laid ever probably

**이 승길  
**   You're all children

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   i am of adult age thank u bery much

**tuition placenta  
**   Leos Never Gotten Laid Probably

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   shut the fuck up ur like 4

**tuition placenta  
**   my age doesnt matter you still havent gotten laid  
  you havent done the dirty deed

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   u dont know me lemon boy

**tuition placenta  
**   consider this nor do i want to

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   choke xxo

**dickiforov  
**   i'm glad everyone else agrees that it's important

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   it is or else u'll get pregnant and die or get a disease  
  trust me i died once i know

**nuggie.jpg  
**   oh yeah u died in miami  
  how did u die

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   despite what some people might say it wasnt from sharting  
  that was viktor  
  anyways

**phichit+chu  
**   miami found dead in minami

**nuggie.jpg  
**   excuse me

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   all u need to know is that whipped cream and a selfie stick was involved

**nuggie.jpg  
**   ill have u know im much too small to carry one of those states

**phichit+chu  
**   miami is a city lol

**nuggie.jpg  
**   i know nothing of american geography

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   its wild

**katsuDON'T  
**   I lived in Detroit for 5 years but I'm still a little shaky :yuuri:

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   i live here and its wild

**phichit+chu  
**   we both lived there for a long time how could you not know!!

**nuggie.jpg  
**   the only things i know:  
  - california is in the west  
  - michigan is in the north?? somewhere???  
  - and apparently miami is a city somewhere

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   florida

**phichit+chu  
**   its in florida  
  we didnt get to go there did we yuuri

**nuggie.jpg  
**   whats a florida

**phichit+chu  
**   :(( i wanted to see disney world  
  @이 승길 lee hey do you think we could go to disney world?!! :grinning:

**이 승길  
**   No

**nuggie.jpg  
**   i'll go with you phichit!!

**phichit+chu  
**   at least someone here knows how to have a good time

**이 승길  
**   Disney world is expensive

**nuggie.jpg  
**   is that the only reason you don't wanna go, gilly? :0

**이 승길  
**   Yes

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   ...

**nuggie.jpg  
**   leo will you come too?!

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   fuck yea

**nuggie.jpg  
**   @phichit+chu see! one more!!

**phichit+chu  
**   lets do it!!  
  lets make victor and yuuri have their wedding there

**nuggie.jpg  
**   !!!!!!!! YES

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   yess

**katsuDON’T  
**   @dickiforov let's get married at Disney World ~:hearts:~

**nuggie.jpg  
**   are we all invited, yuuri?????

**katsuDON’T  
**   Yep!  
  @tuition placenta do you want to be the ring bearer?  
  MAKKACHIN'S GONNA BE THE FLOWER dog

**nuggie.jpg  
**   if yuri doesn't answer in the next five minutes can i be the ring bearer

**katsuDON’T  
**   Sure!

**nuggie.jpg  
**   :DDDD  
  IM LOVE YOU YUURI

**katsuDON’T  
**   Phichit's my best man  
  ♡

**nuggie.jpg  
**   (/♡V♡)/

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   WE R ALL FIGHTING  
  viktor and yuuri's wedding is just gonna b a throw down

**nuggie.jpg  
**   i want yuuri to throw an ice skate at my face, killing me instantly

**dickiforov  
**   me and yuuri will sit on a throne and observe

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   same minami

**tuition placenta  
**   fuck

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   wheres guanghong he can kill me

**dickiforov  
**   we will do an ice skate toss rather than a bouquet maybe it'll happen

**phichit+chu  
**   thatll kill someone!!  
  Do it

**dickiforov  
**   is guang hong in this chat  
  hes not ):

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   a bouquet of knife shoes

**tuition placenta  
**   oox  
  fuck

**phichit+chu  
**   lol

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   oox

**dickiforov  
**   someone add him he's very nice

**tuition placenta  
**   i hope the ice skates kill me Instantly

**phichit+chu  
**   ice skates are pretty expensive though

**dickiforov  
**   FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> practice safe sex  
> @chikorika on twitter. im switching things up


	15. chapter ???: it's rude to listen about somebody whos talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its like the spiderman 3 blooper reel but less funny. when i watched that when i was like six or seven with my brother and i laughed so hard i started crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY APPARENTLY THIS WAS THIRTY SIX PAGES SO IM GONNA POST LIKE THE FIRST SIX

**이 승길  
** // LEO WOULDN'T HAVE A GUN

**tuition placenta  
** // ITS BEST TO MAKE SURE

**이 승길  
** // HAVE YOU SEEN AMERICA  
// WE LIVE HERE

**nuggie.jpg  
** // leos a brown boy in the USA yurio what the fuck

**tuition placenta  
** // SHUT UP  
// HES TRYING

**nuggie.jpg  
** // in what world would he have a gun

* * *

 

**이 승길**

// am i gonna have to flirt with myself

**tuition placenta  
** // yea   
// abi, as seung gil: I want to hold your hand  
// abi, as phichit: ooh you make me swoon

**이 승길  
** // i'm gonna die  
// OOOHHH SEUNG GIL YOU'RE SO ATTRACTIVE AND MYSTERIOUS

* * *

 

 

 

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
** //he has guns for hands  
_ (Guns for hands,  _ a twenty one pilots cover by yurio)

* * *

 

**katsuDON'T  
** //otabek believes duct tape can fix everything

**tuition placenta  
** // i support him  
  
(otabek come duct tape my life together pls  -viv)

* * *

 

**dickiforov**   
//  is there caillou in russia  
//no   
**  
tuition placenta**   
// Fuck  
// it Stays anyway

* * *

 

**tuition placenta**   
// yurio: im black now   
// BRB GCHOKING MYSELF

* * *

**dickiforov**   
  i coulda said yuuri put his gotdamn cummies in the pancakes but i aint a fuckass   
**  
tuition placenta**   
  you Are   
**  
dickiforov**   
  brb eating yuuri's cummies   
**  
katsuDON'T**   
  W H A T   
**  
LEOLIKESPENISO**   
  IM DELETING MYSELF AND THIS GODDAMN CHAT   
**  
nuggie.jpg**   
  what's a cummie   
  is it just   
  ejaculation fluid or   
**  
dickiforov**   
  munch munch   
**  
tuition placenta**   
  NO   
  NO   
**  
LEOLIKESPENISO**   
  DELETE ME KICK ME OUT I DONT WANT TO WITNESS THIS   
**  
dickiforov**   
  minami shot themselves bc of cummies   
**  
LEOLIKESPENISO**   
  IM SHOOTING MYSELF BC OF FUCKING CUMMIES

**dickiforov**   
//can i delete myself from this fic i take back everything i said and i wanna die   
**  
tuition placenta**   
// IM SOBBING   
**  
katsuDON'T  
** //lol we love u   
**  
dickiforov**   
//delete when i said cummies im disgusted   
**  
tuition placenta**   
// OFBBSKWJD   
**  
dickiforov**   
//shit the godman   
**  
LEOLIKESPENISO**   
//IM CRYING   
**  
katsuDON'T**   
//yeah sure   
**  
LEOLIKESPENISO  
** //IM TRYING NOT TO LAUGH OUTLOUD   
//wait if we delete that delete all the reactions bc they wont make sense **  
** **  
tuition placenta**   
// yea ):   
**  
dickiforov**   
//im want death and i havent eaten since 10 am   
//please minami shoot me   
**  
katsuDON'T**   
//replace it with something sexual but...less sexual   
**  
dickiforov**   
//command:kill "cummies"   
**  
tuition placenta** **  
** // ykhejdbdjajs   
**  
LEOLIKESPENISO**   
//hdjskdkdjfo

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that last part was long and also a mistake so im gonna make a part two aka ao3 user chikorika tries to atone for her mistakes part two  
> @chikorika on twitter


	16. chapter ??? part two: im probably listening to the school idol movie ost as you read this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don't look at me  
> YOU DON'T NEED TO READ THIS TO UNDERSTAND THE STORY IT'S JUST SOME FUNNY SHIT SO THERES LIKE. IDK. FANDOM SPREAD INSIDE JOKES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugly bike content warning

**katsuDON'T**   
//fit 3 people on the seat and 1 on the side. or 2 and 2  
  
**tuition placenta**   
// THATS SUCH AN UGLY BIKE I WOULD PERSONALLY BEAT UP OTABEK IF HE SHOWED UP WITH THAT   
**katsuDON'T**   
//better  
  
**tuition placenta**   
// Pure. . . .   
**katsuDON'T**   
//my experiences in Vietnam have taught me that 2 people SHOULD be the max, but 3 can work if they are smol   
**tuition placenta**   
//  large man   
// yuri voice sorry i need  two full seats otherwise i Die   
**katsuDON'T**   
//problem solved  
  
**tuition placenta**   
// THATS  S O FUCKGIN UGLY   
**katsuDON'T**   
//I'm cryin  
  
**tuition placenta**   
// S T O P   
// thesse bikes are fuckgin nasty and i speak for yurio when i say i would rather DIE than ride in/on one of those   
**katsuDON'T**   
//I'm done  
  
**tuition placenta**   
// VIV WHAT ARE YOU DOING   
**katsuDON'T  
** //not my homework that's for sure   
**tuition placenta**   
// oh same   
**katsuDON'T**   
//lol the motorbike pics are a bonus chapter all on their own   
**nuggie.jpg**   
// they should be lmao

* * *

**katsuDON'T**   
//victor aesthetic board   


* * *

**dickiforov**   
  can i hold your naked body like when i held you fresh as a baby straight out of yakov's hole

  
**katsuDON'T**   
  You're sleeping on the couch tonight   
****

**tuition placenta**   
  hey  is it possible to kill victor   
****

**dickiforov**   
//i hate myself   
****

**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
//IM LAUVBING   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// NO!!!!!  
// THATS S OFUCKIGN NASTY I WANNA DIE   
****

**katsuDON'T**   
// for faith ▄︻̷̿┻̿═━一   
//dont use that ily   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// add me to that viv   
// for khloe   
****

**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
//add e too   
****

**katsuDON'T**   
//no more guns   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// needs more guns

* * *

**katsuDON'T**   
  Yurio where are you   
****

**dickiforov**   
  OOOOH I LOVE GAMES ILL BE THE SEEKER   
****

**tuition placenta**   
  hiding   
****

**dickiforov**   
  or no i guess i'll hide   
  YUURI COME FIND ME MY LOVE   
****

**katsuDON'T**   
  No   
****

**dickiforov**   
//wtf viv play along   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// hes probavly in like  
// a fuckign cabinet   
// thats rly out of the way   
****

**katsuDON'T**   
//lmao he's at their house but victurri don't know   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// yes   
// stealth master   
// they dont call him the russian tiger for no reason

* * *

**dickiforov**   
  take a shot every time yurio makes a typo   
**  
nuggie.jpg**   
// yurio or khloe   
**  
phichit+chu**   
// take a fucking sip babes   
**  
tuition placenta**   
// YOU CAN HECK  RIGHT OFF   
****

**dickiforov**   
// both   
****

**phichit+chu**   
// what's the difference   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// EAT MY DICK   
****

**nuggie.jpg**   
// I LOVE YOU KHLOE

**tuition placenta**   
// TAKE A SHOT EVERY TIME  YALL BULLY ME!!!!

* * *

**nuggie.jpg**   
// i wrote avatar oc fanfiction   
// i was... nine

* * *

**dickiforov**   
//his aching wrinkly bleached hole   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// You ever want to die   
// Because i do   
// Ver much   
****

**dickiforov**   
//how do we end this   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// yakov dies we riot   
****

**dickiforov**   
//end chapter here   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// fjsjkwjd yes   
****

**dickiforov**   
//next chapter is his funeral   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// KFBSK   
****

**nuggie.jpg**   
// end of chapter   
****

**dickiforov**   
//yuuri, yurio, mila, and victor all burn and bury yakov   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// bext chapter after tha is yt link yo death march or w/e(edited)   
// WAIT ISNT HE TECHNICALLY ALL OF THEIR COACHES   
****

**dickiforov**   
//mila thinks it's a good idea to play mcr   
//while burning yakov's body   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// SO LONG AND GOODNIGHT   
// all i know   
****

**dickiforov**   
//and georgi is invited too   
****

**mila malfoy**   
// are we killing yakov   
****

**dickiforov**   
//no the list killed him   
//we're burning his body. what should we do with his ashes. this should become like the first season of how to get away with murder.   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// VIKING FUNERAL   
****

**nuggie.jpg**   
// faith whats the fuckign list   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// is this me or is thsi yurio im concerned for my well beig   
****

**mila malfoy**   
// spread the ashes on the ice   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// ew no who woudl want to skate on that   
****

**mila malfoy**   
// yurio can skate on it   
****

**katsuDON'T**   
//im scared   
//shit went DOOOOWN when I went away   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// yuuri/otabek come home   
// well techncially victor """"""covered"""""""" for yuuri whilenyou wre gone but  Whate   
****

**dickiforov**   
//victor is claiming some of yakov's ashes to shove in his ashhole   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// EW

* * *

**tuition placenta**   
// viking funeral or yuri leaves   
// khloe age 16: Wanrs A Viking Funeral For Reaosns They Cant Explain  
  
**dickiforov**   
//what if victor really did make up the list bc he's drunk and he killed yakov   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// KFBSKAJDJS   
****

**Star Lahnce**   
//i can't believe victor is a HITMAN   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// dub victor: Uh Oh I Killed Yakov   
// honey i killed the coach   
****

**dickiforov**   
//it was a shopping list and it smelled so bad at his house bc of yuuri sharting everywhere that victor got drunk and killed yakov   
****

**katsuDON'T**   
//there will be NO SHARTS in this house   
****

**Star Lahnce**   
//,, I' M WE E Z I NG   
****

**dickiforov**   
//khloe will have to make a tag for ao3 like minor character death n shit omg   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// LFBSKAJDJSJJ   
// i can do that but inm CACKLING   
****

**dickiforov**   
//#victor nikiforov drunkenly murders yakov, #minor character death, #murder   
//IM DYING

**tuition placenta**   
// so is yakov   
****

**dickiforov**   
//IM DYIN SCOOB

* * *

**nuggie.jpg**   
// i think faith has a sharting kink   
****

**dickiforov**   
//I DO NOT   
****

**nuggie.jpg**   
// never a day where its not mentioned   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// when will otabek return from the war i need. a sane frie   
// NEITHER IS TRFUCKING   
// YURIOS QUOTE "LIVE BIRTH"   
// IM FUCKIGIN TRAUMATIZED   
// someone: shart    
// faith: N U T   
****

**dickiforov**   
//yurio should say smth at the funeral like "you were a good coach and shit, so thank you for that. also thanks for birthing me-" then victor interrupts "birthing yurio out of your aching wrinkly bleached hole"   
//s t o p   
****

**Star Lahnce**   
//LET'S N O T   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// EW EW EW   
// ST I O IVE BEEN A GOOD FUCKIGN PERSON   
****

**dickiforov**   
//yakov's dead hole will be the name of the chapter   


* * *

**dickiforov**   
//google dot com search: yakov smut   
****

**Star Lahnce**   
//MMMM B OI, I GOTTA GO NOW   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// WHY AREYOU LIKE THIS   
// do if   
// i dare you   
****

**dickiforov**   
//when u need some yakov to jackov to   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// IVE NEVER HATED MSYELF MORE   
****

**Star Lahnce**   
//N O   
****

**dickiforov**   
//this conversation should be chapter 12   
****

**tuition placenta**   
// THIS CONVERSATION WILL NEVER SEE THE KIGHT OF DAY IF I CAN HELP IT DKAHDJSJS   
// THIS IS SO NAFTY IM  NOT TRAUMATIZING ANY READERA

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to end this part on my own hypocrisy. anyway im pretty sure this ended up being the longest chapter so far and im really sorry you had to read any of this if you did  
> im not adding any social media bc a) ive said it a lot and (b) i dont want to tie myself to this specific part


	17. chapter 12: welcome to the (gay) madness guang dong; down with dong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seung gil uses caps thats all you need to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a day off today and i havent done my homework. also im gay

\-- tuition placenta added _ guanghong _ \--

**dickiforov  
**   welcome guang gong!!

**guanghong  
**   hi

**이 승길  
**   Guang gong.

**dickiforov  
**   WHEN U TYPO AND IT COMES OUT RACIST

**tuition placenta  
**   hey if you kicked your leg up high enough could you  kick yourself in the face

**guanghong  
**   hiyaaa

**tuition placenta  
**   someone try it

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   guang gong  
ill do it

**nuggie.jpg  
**   HI GUANG HONG

\-- tuition placenta renamed _  guanghong _  to  _ guang gong _ \--

**phichit+chu  
**   i dont think thats a good idea yurio :cold_sweat:

**tuition placenta  
**   im not doing it lmfao  
  leo is

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   yurio u binch

\--  LEOLIKESPENISO changed  _ guang gong _ name to  _ guang dong _ \--

**tuition placenta  
**   leo the only mvp

**nuggie.jpg  
**   omg yurio was nice to leo?

**tuition placenta  
**   dick  
  how the hell was i nice

**guang dong  
**   i just get in and i'm already being stereotyped goodbye

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   screenshotting for posterity

**nuggie.jpg  
**   you called leo the mvp

**tuition placenta  
**   i asked if you could theoretically kick yourself in the face

**nuggie.jpg  
**   NO GH DONT LEAVE ME

**이 승길  
**   Anyone can do that

**dickiforov  
**   GUANG HONG COME BACK  
  WE LOVE YOU  
  WELL I DONT BUT  
  EVERYONE ELSE DOES

**mila malfoy  
**   why dont you try it yourself yurio

**tuition placenta  
**   nah leo did  
  i dont need to

**phichit+chu  
**   hey everyone loves guang hong!!  
  especially leo am i RIGHT

**nuggie.jpg  
**   yes!  
  fact!

**tuition placenta  
**   leo loves guanghong  
  mother fucker

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   guangholg

**tuition placenta  
**   leo loves guanghong and thats it

**nuggie.jpg  
**   mostly because he also looks Young

**tuition placenta  
**   guang dong  
  guang gong

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   _*sweats*_ dont expose me like this

**tuition placenta  
**   leos gay

**이 승길  
**   Really.

**tuition placenta  
**   leolikespeniso

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
** _   *sweats harder* _

**guang dong  
**   sorry can't talk i'm a fucking gong

**dickiforov  
**   no ur a dong actually  
  don't worry leo everyone here is gay  
  you're banned if you're h*t

**katsuDON’T  
**   Especially viktor

**이 승길  
**   So that's why we don't have jj in here.

**tuition placenta  
**   rip h*ts

**이 승길  
**   Also because we all hate jj

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   gong once for yes gong twice for no

**nuggie.jpg  
**   JJ's a h*t?? :0

**이 승길  
**   I mean.

**nuggie.jpg  
**   i'm sorry but when you leak photos of your ass online to show off a back tattoo im not gonna think ur str*ight

**tuition placenta  
**   pretty sure he thought i was cis once  
  tbt to when i was cis

**nuggie.jpg  
**   what's a cis

**tuition placenta  
**   y*lia plisetsky is Dead

**phichit+chu  
**   sounds fake  
  cis sounds fake

**nuggie.jpg  
**   cis? sorry. i don't know her

**dickiforov  
**   jj told me that one time he and his girlfriend were walking down a block and suddenly a bus pulled up out of nowhere that was labeled down with het and a bunch of gays beat them up

**LEOLIKESPENSIO  
**   its true i was there i was the bus

**katsuDON’T  
**   :0

**phichit+chu  
**   its true im the driver

**tuition placenta  
**   i was the driver

**dickiforov  
**   fight over who was the driver

**nuggie.jpg  
**   i was the label

**phichit+chu  
**   actually i was the block

**guang dong  
**   i was the gong _i’m still bitter_

**dickiforov  
**   i was their shirts draping over their gay bodies

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   who ever dies is the winner and takes the position of the driver

**이 승길  
**   I was the wheels

**dickiforov  
**   wheels on the gay go round and round

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   be the wheels to my bus

**tuition placenta  
**   yeah cause youre as straight as a circle

**dickiforov  
**   good one yurio!

**tuition placenta  
**   thanks

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   dont feed into his ego

**dickiforov  
**   my son...didn't insult me :two_hearts:

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   for once lmfao

**dickiforov  
**   this is a blessed day

**phichit+chu  
**   Also yurio dont be mean to your dads!!  
  they love you very much

**dickiforov  
**   thank you phichit

**nuggie.jpg  
**   he also hasn't denied being your son

**guang dong  
**   is this gc just about being gay and hate jj

**nuggie.jpg  
**   yes  _ @guang dong _

**phichit+chu  
**   skate family

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   basically

**tuition placenta  
**   THEYRE NOT MY DADS

**nuggie.jpg  
**   YES THEY ARE

**phichit +chu  
**   skate fam  
  skam fam

**이 승길  
**   Scam.

**tuition placenta  
**   scammers

**dickiforov  
**   gay skate  
  gate

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   scam the hets

**phichit+chu  
**   scam gate

**nuggie.jpg  
**   DING DONG THEYRE UR PARENTS

**tuition placenta  
**   THEYRE NOT MY FUCKING PARENTS  
  I DOGN WANT THEM

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   dogn

**phichit+chu  
**   im your gay uncle yurio  
  heres 10 bucks

**nuggie.jpg  
**   HORTON HEARS A BITCHASS LIAR

**tuition placenta  
**   google dot com how to lose family  
  google says kill you

**katsuDON'T  
**   I made more piroshkis

**tuition placenta  
**   aight chop chop get out

**katsuDON'T  
**   For you yurio

**nuggie.jpg  
**   google dot com how to punch a sixteen year old

**katsuDON'T  
**   Noooo

**tuition placenta  
**   mail them to me

**dickiforov  
**   how does one mail a punch

**nuggie.jpg  
**   dont u both live in russia

**katsuDON'T  
**   We're in the same room

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   why am i being no'd

**dickiforov  
**   mila @milamalfoy do you want to be my maid of honor

**phichit+chu  
**   yuuri ive gotta be your best man!!  
  its the law

**katsuDON'T  
**   @phichit+chu done :)

**phichit+chu  
**   YES

**tuition placenta  
**   im not leaving for the pirozhki because last time victor fucking Ate them

**nuggie.jpg  
**   is gilly going to the wedding?

**이 승길  
**   I suppose i have to

**tuition placenta  
**   seung gil kicked his dog hes banned

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   gillyweed

**phichit+chu  
**   yes hes coming! :)

**dickiforov  
**   i left you one! but it was cold and u refused to eat it

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   THERE WILL BE NO DOG KICKING IN THIS HOUSE

**nuggie.jpg  
**   stop being mean to gilly yurio D:

**이 승길  
**   I DON'T KICK MY DOG

**phichit+chu  
**   oh man seung gil used caps

**dickiforov  
** ┏┓  ┃┃╱╲ In this  ┃╱╱╲╲ house  ╱╱╭╮╲╲ we all ▔▏┗┛▕▔ are ╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲                  Gay ╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲  ▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   thats a fucked up house

**dickiforov  
**   exactly

**katsuDON'T  
**   Why is the house broken

**nuggie.jpg  
**   i wanna live in it

**dickiforov  
**   down with house

**tuition placenta  
**   Me

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   tag urself im the misplaced roof

**guang dong  
**   WHY DID U KICK A DOG

**이 승길  
**   I DON'T KICK DOGS  
  I WOULDN'T KICK A DOG

**guang dong  
**   i'm leaving cant be in a chat with a dog abuser bye

**이 승길  
**   I DON'T KICK DOGS

**mila malfoy  
**   hi everyone Mila Here To Remind You All I'm A Lesbian

**nuggie.jpg  
**   down with het  
  DOWN WITH YURIO

**dickiforov  
**   the two L words: lesbians and lesbians

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   the two L words: Lots of Lesbians

**nuggie.jpg  
**   the two L words:  
  lesbian  
  Lgay

**mila malfoy  
**   Lesbian and lesbians

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   i cant believe i cant attend this wedding suddenly

**nuggie.jpg  
**   lesbian and lgay

**katsuDON'T  
**   @dickiforov who's your best man?

**dickiforov  
**   yuuri my best man is chris  
  hopefully he won't nut on the altar  
  leo is invited to the wedding right???

**phichit+chu  
**   rinkshaming

**tuition placenta  
**   rinkshaming

**phichit+chu  
**   we have to #rinkshame chris

**dickiforov  
**   rinkshaming

**tuition placenta  
**   someone block phichit

**nuggie.jpg  
**   :sin:

**tuition placenta  
**   like  
  banned from yhis chat

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   yhis

**nuggie.jpg  
**   yhis

**tuition placenta  
**   Die

**phichit+chu  
**   come on that one was funny!

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   Pls

**nuggie.jpg  
**   phichit's always funny yurio just has bad taste

**tuition placenta  
**   phichit your jokes fucking suck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i live life dangerously i post without previewing  
> @babeicheva on tumblr for a Good Time


	18. chapter 13: ice gays vs space gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seung gil goes from using caps to making a pun aren't you proud of him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kekkon omedetou  
> anyway according to an official interview victor just has a big forehead. hes not actually balding

**guang dong  
**   wait what wedding

 **이 승길  
**   The victuuri wedding.

 **tuition placenta  
**   victuuri

 **nuggie.jpg  
**   vikturi

 **이 승길  
**   Isn't that what it's called

 **dickiforov  
**   my name is victor you binches

 **katsuDON'T  
**   Viktor

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   shut up baldy

 **이 승길  
**   Is it victor or viktor

 **dickiforov  
**   VICTOR  
  YUURI

 **tuition placenta  
**   leo sucks dick

 **phichit+chu  
**   SEE someone has good taste

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   its true i was the leo

 **dickiforov  
**   ITS VICTOR  
  where the fuck does the k come from

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   bc russian

 **dickiforov  
**   i may be russian but im not nasty

 **이 승길  
**   Variant spellings

 **tuition placenta  
**   victor

 **dickiforov  
**   victor

 **tuition placenta  
**   victor

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   VIKTOR VIKTOR

 **dickiforov  
**   victor

 **katsuDON'T  
**   victor

 **tuition placenta  
**   its victor

 **dickiforov  
**   BLOCK LEO  
  HES REPORTED

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   cyberbullying  
  biphobia

 **이 승길  
**   I'm going to seung kill myself

 **phichit+chu  
**   no dont do that

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   HDJDBSKNF

 **tuition placenta  
**   seung gil made a pun

 **katsuDON’T  
**   Sorry victor  
  I’ll make dinner to apologise <3

 **dickiforov  
**   can we have japanese ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **tuition placenta  
**   holy dhit

 **phichit+chu  
**   :OOOOO

 **이 승길  
**   I need to leave

 **katsuDON'T  
**   Sure  
  I made sushi :)

 **dickiforov**  
  no i mean  
  can i eat japanese tonight ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **katsuDON'T  
**   Oohhh  
  OH

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   blockr  
  bloxkt  
  BLOCKT

 **phichit+chu  
**   YUURI what kind of dirty things have you been doing

 **guang dong  
**   can u guys shut up i'm watching gays in space

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   anways hmu w those space gays ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **dickiforov  
**   space gays?

 **guang dong  
**   they're gay but in space

 **이 승길  
**   ...Star wars?

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   gays and in space

 **dickiforov  
**   well i'm gay and i take up space so same thing

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   launch urself into space and then it will work

 **guang dong  
**   THE KING JUST DIED IM

 **이 승길  
**   I'd gladly die.

 **dickiforov  
**   king jj?

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   ill take his place

 **dickiforov  
**   finally

 **katsuDON'T  
**   NO ONE IS DYING

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   blockt

 **phichit+chu  
**   jj found dead

 **guang dong  
**   leo hug me i'm crying and i want to die

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   come here babe

 **dickiforov  
**   dasvidanya jj  
  jj sharted himself to death in miami  
  leo will hug u but if u squeeze him too hard he'll fart

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   what the fuck

 **phichit+chu  
**   LOL

 **이 승길  
**   What the fuck

 **nuggie.jpg  
** _yurio voice_ huh?

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   i mean probably true but dont expose me like this

 **guang dong  
**   yeah it happened

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   guanghong please dont expose me like this

 **katsuDON'T  
**   ...victor if you want dinner it's ready...  
  Bye guys

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   fuckin Nasties

 **guang dong  
**   bye don't die in space

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   im kinkshaming

 **katsuDON'T  
**   VICTOOORRR WHERE ARE YOU ￣へ￣  
  The sushi is getting cold

 **guang dong  
**   he's dead

 **katsuDON'T  
**   Wait sushi is supposed to be cold  
  Forget I said anything...  
  I found him

 **guang dong  
**   but did u find him alive or dead

 **katsuDON'T  
**   He's very much alive  
  I gotta go

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   unfortunately  
  wait who r we talking about

 **guang dong  
**   he's talking about the sushi leo omg pay attention

 **LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   eh  
  i want sushi now damn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OFFICIAL ART SAYS HIS NAME IS VICTOR!! THE WEBSITE SAYS HIS NAME IS VICTOR DON'T FUCK WITHME IM S A L T Y  
> @makkabean on tumblr. [VICTOR voice] woof woof


	19. Chapter 14: a tale of papa grexy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tbt to when i fucking updated like damn, stop changing your fucking user and post a new chapter, am i right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been so long thta i fuckign forgot the format im hollering  
> also there's a really REALLY subtle voltron reference in this chapter too if you get it i owe you my life

**tuition placenta  
**    sports bras are titty guantanamo discuss

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   true  
  no discussion u stated facts

**dickiforov  
**   yuuri that sushi was delicious. you know i love japanese raw

**tuition placenta  
**   you ever just wanna kermit sudoku

**dickiforov  
**   before i had my top surgery, the best part of my day was taking off my binder or sports bra  
  i do not miss those tids

**tuition placenta  
**   tiddleloo

**dickiforov  
**   yurio make sure ur not wearing ur binder or sports bra for too long i dont want u getting hurt

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   dark google show me how to erase my memory of reading that first text

**tuition placenta  
**   24 hour sports bra/binder lets go  
  flat is justice

**dickiforov  
**   life au where instead of sports bras or binders we wear giant slinkies to constrict the titty

**katsuDON’T  
**   NO

**tuition placenta  
**   jesus fuck

**dickiforov  
**   if u jump u can hear the slink

**tuition placenta  
**   THAT'S EVEN WORSE  
  okay but like if they fall off down stairs you're fucked

**dickiforov  
**   slink slink slink slink  
  no binders we use slinkies like men

**tuition placenta  
**   no binders we let the tit be free like birds

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   im like a bird imma fly awwaayyyy

**tuition placenta  
**   free titty

**dickiforov  
**   blue footed booby is a funny bird

**tuition placenta  
**   blue breasted tit

**dickiforov  
**   not just the name but how it looks

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   a young booby impatiently waits for parents to return with food

**tuition placenta  
**   great tit

**dickiforov  
**   typing in english fucks me over

**tuition placenta  
**   great tit's not actually that great

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   same

**tuition placenta  
**   its kinda small

**guang dong  
**   <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hnnYid7vvw>[  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hnnYid7vvw)   am i kicked out of the chat now or

**dickiforov  
**   needs more dislikes

**tuition placenta  
**   blocked reported deleted  
  i cant believe theres a jj fucker in this chat

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   im reporting you and the video

**guang dong  
**   lisTEN that song is beautiful i don't care about jj

**dickiforov  
**   brb making 12 different youtube accounts so i can dislike the video 12 times

**Otabek  
**   Why stop at 12 

**tuition placenta  
**   otabek laying down the law

**dickiforov  
**   welcome back otakek

**tuition placenta  
**   the only good song is samarkand overture

**guang dong  
**  I COULD CHANCE THE WORLD

**tuition placenta  
**   all other songs except allegro appassionato are Cancelled  
  The great tit is large for a tit

**guang dong  
**   JJ JUST FOLLOWED ME I DON?T KNOW THE LYRICS

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   welcome to the madness yurio  
  fbdj jfnf

**tuition placenta  
**   horton hears a bitchass liar

**dickiforov  
**   /command: delete guang dong

**tuition placenta  
**   and tells leo to shut the fuck up

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   WELCOME TO MY DARK TWISTED MIND - YURIO BITCHASS 

**dickiforov  
**   that reminds me...yurio why did u pick welcome to the madness for ur exhibition skate??

**Otabek  
**   How do u even dance to that

**dickiforov  
**   i mean you executed it well despite it being uncomfortable to watch

**Otabek  
**   I thought we were classical bros

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   he just aggressively skated in circles around the rink and head banged his creamy lemon head around getting buckwild!!! on ice

**dickiforov  
**   yurio, your daddy and i love you no matter what you skate to but we gotta ask  
  what the fuck

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   its true trust me i was the knife shoes he was wearing  
  IM KINKSHAMING YOU FOR THE DADDY YOU PUT IN THERE

**katsuDON’T  
**   Stop cursing he's going to develop a habit... 

**dickiforov  
**   im surprised he didnt wear georgi's level of eyeliner

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    who says he didnt

**dickiforov  
**   YURIO CAN CALL ME AND YUURI DADDY STOP RUINING FAMILIES

**guang dong  
**   can u all stop i'm a child

**dickiforov  
**   yuuri are you the daddy or the papa

**tuition placenta  
**   WHAT THE FUCK

**katsuDON’T  
**   Can I just be the dad 

**dickiforov  
**   ok ill be papa  
  papa grexy

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   papá  
  BLOCKT

**Otabek  
**   I'm leaving again 

**tuition placenta  
**   two things:

  1. a) FUCK OFF
  2. b) I'M NOT CALLING YOU MY PARENTS OR MY FATHERS FUCK OFF
  3. c) katsudon your pirozhki sucks



**dickiforov  
**   aww yurio knows his abcs

**katsuDON’T  
**   he wore so much leopard print during that skate

**tuition placenta  
**   DIE

**dickiforov  
**   au where instead of paying in euros we pay in eros

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   we pay in sex appeal  
  im rich

**dickiforov  
**   yuuri would be rich :heart_eyes:

**tuition placenta  
**   i never want to hear you speak or type ever again

**katsuDON’T  
**   (๑・ω-)～:hearts:”

**dickiforov  
**   hear me type

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   listen to him type

**dickiforov  
**   clickity clack

**tuition placenta  
**   fuck off  
  Go Fuck  Your Self

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   clickity clack get in the sack

**dickiforov  
**   clickity clock you all are blocked

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   clickity clock sunk my conk

**katsuDON'T  
**   Even me...?  
  NO

**tuition placenta  
**   clock and conk dont really rhyme  
  try again next time xxo

**guang dong  
**    savage

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   SHUT YOU YOU CREAMY BOY

**dickiforov - Today at 7:08 PM  
**   clickity clemon shut up you lemon

**tuition placenta  
**   clemon

**dickiforov  
**   anyway i love my dead gay son

**tuition placenta  
**   im not dead

**dickiforov  
**   sometimes i can still hear his voice

**nuggie.jpg  
**    but you wanna be

**tuition placenta  
**   okay thats fair

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    we all do

**dickiforov  
**    #relatabledotcombutthenagainimgay

**nuggie.jpg  
**    i like how yurio didn't deny being the dead gay son

**tuition placenta  
**    MOTHER  FUCKER

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    son

**dickiforov  
**    :vkusno:

**tuition placenta  
**    DIE THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW THAT

**dickiforov  
**    my son loves me

**tuition placenta  
**    I'M NOT YOUR SON  
   this adoption is null and void

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    on what basis

**dickiforov  
**    i still have the papers but w/e

**tuition placenta  
**    google dot com how can i age myself up two years so that their """"papers"""" mean shit

**nuggie.jpg  
**    would it really be so bad  
   like on a complete logical, rational level

**tuition placenta  
**    i changed my mind aging myself up is fucking stupid  
   instead  
   im running  
   im blowing this popsicle stand dasvidanya russia  
   im going somewhere you could never find e  
   me

**dickiforov  
**    i posted a picture of the adoption papers online didnt u see? its the one on my instagram next to the picture of me and chris posing at the pool

**tuition placenta  
**    Why Would I Follow You On Instagram

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    he's going to the cat adoption center

**tuition placenta  
**    i said dasvidanya russia

**nuggie.jpg  
**    yurio: google dot com where can i go to run away

**dickiforov  
**    i thought everyone followed me on instagram

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**   horton hears a bitchass liar

**nuggie.jpg  
**    i don't i only follow yuuri

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    rude

**tuition placenta  
**    i only follow jesus praise the lord amen

**nuggie.jpg  
**    DONT STEAL MY LINE LEO

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    why dont u follow phichit HM

**dickiforov  
**    jesus? i dont know her

**nuggie.jpg  
**    jesus who

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    yurio you wouldnt know jesus if he fell out of the sky and landed on ur fuckin dumbass lemon head

**tuition placenta  
**    YOU CAN HECK RIGHT OFF,

**guang dong  
**    but victor is jesus

**tuition placenta  
**    victor isn't jesus

**dickiforov  
**    does yurio's hair taste like lemons? is that why we call him lemon head

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    no hes just a lemon

**dickiforov  
**    who licked yurios hair

**tuition placenta  
**    who would lick my hair

**nuggie.jpg  
**   i can't believe leo de la iglesia, the king of ice skating in the united states, is mean to minors

**dickiforov  
**   i am the father, yurio is the son, yuuri is the holy spirit

**tuition placenta  
**    THANK you minami

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    leo? dont know him sorry

**tuition placenta  
**    for once you are on my side smh  
   ok leolikespeniso

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    shut the hell your mouth  
   BLOCKT

**nuggie.jpg  
**    i mean i'm not a minor (anymore) but like i look like one

**tuition placenta  
**    im a minor

**guang dong  
**    why am i here i can't understand anything

**dickiforov  
**    leo whats the difference between penis and peniso

**tuition placenta  
**    peniso is spanish

**dickiforov  
**    ah  
   good to know

**tuition placenta  
**    you have to add the italian accent to make it perfect

**dickiforov  
**    gracias

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    YURIO I SAW THAT FURRY EMOJI U JUST SENT U FUCK

**tuition placenta  
**    what furry emoji?  
   can you show me :)

**dickiforov  
**    yurio is a furrio

**tuition placenta**

  1. a) doesnt rhyme
  2. b) DIE I'M NOT



**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    112 yes a 12 old is sending death threats

**tuition placenta  
**    you dont even live in russia????  
   what the fuck is it??? 991???

**dickiforov  
**    what is 112 in america? 420?

**tuition placenta  
**    universal 112  
   yes

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    112 yes a 12 yr old is sending me death threats

**dickiforov  
**    420 what is ur emergency

**tuition placenta  
**    no i think its 69420

**dickiforov  
**    thats so long  
   no wonder so many ppl die in america

**tuition placenta  
**    69420 do a sex

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    blazedsex

**tuition placenta  
**    yes

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    its wild

**tuition placenta  
**    you fuck while youre high as shit  
   mile high club  
   thats what it is right

**nuggie.jpg  
**    119 there are children screaming and i am scared

**dickiforov  
**    yurio do not speak of such things  
   you are a Child

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    119

**tuition placenta  
**    so are you  
   youre like  
   two

**nuggie.jpg  
**    i am Eighteen

**tuition placenta  
**    ok youre eighteen so what

**dickiforov  
**    yurio im almost twice ur age respect ur elders

**tuition placenta  
**    what i thought you were like eighty

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    viktors old like hes already saying dasvidanya to his hair b nice yurio

**tuition placenta  
**    haha no hair victor  
   is it a wig...

**nuggie.jpg  
**    nah

**tuition placenta  
**    which country is 911

**nuggie.jpg  
**    the US

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    America

**nuggie.jpg  
**    japan is 119!

**dickiforov  
**    if i were a kangaroo you know what id keep in my pouch?

**tuition placenta  
**    sounds stupid  
   a gun

**dickiforov  
**    yurio

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    yuuri  
   damn

**dickiforov  
**    and in his pouch would be a gun  
   gunio

**tuition placenta  
**    why do i have a pouch  
   wtf

**dickiforov  
**    the yurio and gun fusion

**nuggie.jpg  
**    gunio

**dickiforov  
**    wheres the fanart

**LEOLIKESPENISO  
**    ur a kangaroo that why keep up yurio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yurio follows victor on tumblr. he saw the papers. he Knew
> 
> follow me. set me free @uranohoshi on tumblr


	20. Chapter 15: ~Intoxicated~ by phones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We may be in the same room but no. We are all Milleieniwnals and we must only communicate through the texTing lol xd winkie face.jpg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i hate the weeks before spring break. anyway happy birthday yurio we did do smth for your birthday but i don't update consistently enough for that to be up

**dickiforov**

:( ill miss my dick

**katsuDON'T**

W H A T

**tuition placenta**

i thought you were shoving your ashes up his ass

**dickiforov**

YUURI YOURE BACK

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

dick in a box

**tuition placenta**

what happened to that smh you fucktard

**katsuDON'T**

im not complaining but keep it

**dickiforov**

YAY I CAN KEEP ME DICK

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

twist the crank and viktors dick will pop out at u

**dickiforov**

clickity click i keep me dick

**katsuDON'T**

...time for another run

**tuition placenta**

yuuri

Katsudon

you are Fucking Staying,

**dickiforov**

WAIT ILL GO WITH U

**mila malfoy**

someone called for lesbians?

i'm here

**dickiforov**

mila! im in need of my L words

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

lesbians and lesbians

**tuition placenta**

i thought you found them dumbass

**dickiforov**

will u spill ur sara gay gossip

**mila malfoy**

she's a Lesbian theres ur gossip

**tuition placenta**

you tell me this almost every fucking day,

**dickiforov**

MILA AND SARA ARE GAY OK BYE IM GOING RUNNING WITH MY FIANCE

**katsuDON'T**

Dont get rid of your dick youll need it

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

bye

**dickiforov**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**tuition placenta**

things i never needed to read: that

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

dark google how do i find a time machine to stop that message from being sent

**tuition placenta**

you have to kill yuuri in the past

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

i was just gonna take his phone away but i mean i guess

**tuition placenta**

first you collect 50 rings then you enter the bad future and kill all incarnations of katsudon to create a good future and then when you collect all seven time stones you fight Ultra Yuuri and if you win the message is never sent

you also have to fight a robotic version of yourself at act 3

if you lose you die

**nuggie.jpg**

yurio how many rpgs have you played just askin for a friend

**tuition placenta**

thats not a fucking rpg its sonic cd jesus

**nuggie.jpg**

yurio cosplayed as knuckles #confirmed

**tuition placenta**

WHY KNUCKLES

also how do you know that name,

**mila malfoy**

yurio do you have any pictures of your knuckles cosplay?

**tuition placenta**

I NEVER FUCKING COSPLAYED KNUCKLES

**nuggie.jpg**

would u prefer tails

aren't you both Yellow™

**tuition placenta**

look whos talking

**nuggie.jpg**

I DYED MY HAIR NEON PINK WE WENT OVER THIS

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

im just gonna chug 12 6 hour energies quickly followed by 15 6 hour sleep drinks and then astral project to the nearest 7/11 and fist fight Knuckles and Jesus at the same time to become the Ultimate and then meet yuuri and plant the thought of not typing that into his brain and zoom back into my body at such a high velocity i instantly die 

**dickiforov**

i have pictures of yurio cosplaying as shadow from sonic

he even got that temporary hair dye and gelled his hair back it was so cute

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

adorable im gonna fight him

**dickiforov**

also why is leo such a memer? i never would have expected this but here we are

**nuggie.jpg**

he's gay and depressed ofc he's a memer

**dickiforov**

i take pictures during the performances and i had to keep that one of leo

it was

artistic

its very

American

yes...

**tuition placenta**

haha tbt to it's very eros

fuckin loser

**dickiforov**

(my son and i are bonding)

**tuition placenta**

(we're really not)

(and i'm not your son)

**dickiforov**

yurio after yuuri returns from his walk part two (2) you should come over for dinner

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

:/

**tuition placenta**

your food is worse than mine

**dickiforov**

we can have a slumber party!!!!!!

i'll paint your nails black if you want ♡

**tuition placenta**

you can go FUCK yourself i  told you my favorite colors fucking red

**dickiforov**

ok how about i paint your nails red then

and please don't cuss at me yurio respect your papá

**tuition placenta**

you're not my dad

oh god they're both on

**dickiforov**

you're right. yuuri is ur dad. i'm ur papâ

YUURI IS BACK

**katsuDON'T**

Hahaha guess who just got WASTED after visiting the bar on the way home from my walk

THIS GUYYYY

**tuition placenta**

what the fuck if you were REALLY my dad you would have taken me with you

**katsuDON'T**

Heyyyy victor where are you

**dickiforov**

I’m coming <3

**tuition placenta**

Fuck off i’m going after him

Where are you

**katsuDON’T**

I don’t know

There’s a lamppost

**tuition placenta**

That

Doesn’t help

**katsuDON’T**

There’s an ocean here

pretty 

I’m gonna swim in it

**dickiforov**

I see you yuuri don’t move

i have yuuri now don't worry my son

fuck he's heavy

**tuition placenta**

where the fuck am i then

**katsuDON'T**

Victor you're waaarrmmm

**dickiforov**

STOP TYPING YOURE LITERALLY IN MY ARMS WHY ARE WE TEXTING

HOW ARE WE TEXTING

**tuition placenta**

LOOK WHOS TALKING

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

wild

**dickiforov**

ok skate fam (skam) we are home

**tuition placenta**

im not going to question that

**katsuDON'T**

Where's yurioooo

I wanna give him a hug

**dickiforov**

he'll be over soon for our slumber party right yurio

**tuition placenta**

yuri is fucking Dead in st petersburg

**dickiforov**

WE SHOULD INVITE GEORGI AND MILA TOO

and yakov!! i can paint his nails pink

**tuition placenta**

don't invite yakov do you have a death wish

**dickiforov**

yurio where are you

**tuition placenta**

GEE IF I KNEW DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN BACK HOME BY NOW????

**dickiforov**

i thought you'd be here by now

i really need help with yuuri he's a handful when he's drunk

**katsuDON'T**

Heheh

Let's go to an onsen

**tuition placenta**

they dont have that in russia

**dickiforov**

yuuri where are you i told u we can't play naked hide and seek when you're drunk

**tuition placenta**

what the fuck

**dickiforov**

YUURI I FOUND YOUR THONG WHERE ARE YOU

**tuition placenta**

google dot com how to delete myself point blank

**katsuDON'T**

Come find me;)

**dickiforov**

:heart_eyes: okay;))))

**katsuDON'T**

Hurry its cold without any clothes

**tuition placenta**

see at some point you stop asking questions

**dickiforov**

yurio on second thought don't come over

**nuggie.jpg**

:sin:

**tuition placenta**

this isnt that point,

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING,

**nuggie.jpg**

thats y'all rn

:sin:

**tuition placenta**

why are you grouping me in that

**dickiforov**

don't rinkshame chris

**tuition placenta**

im  a fucking angel

my wings are as pure as snow

**dickiforov**

he can nyut on the ice if he wants to

**nuggie.jpg**

HORTON HEARS A BITCHASS LIAR

**tuition placenta**

its his party he can nut if he wants to

are you saying chris Can't nyut on the ice if he wants to

**dickiforov**

yuuuuuuri can u give me a hint as to where you are my love? :blue_heart::tongue:

**tuition placenta**

just in: christophe giacometti cannot nut on the ice if he wants to

is there a rule against that

**dickiforov**

his nuts are confined by a slinky

slinky nuts

**tuition placenta**

i mean people probably get their snot on the rink

or like maybe spit

**dickiforov**

or blood

**tuition placenta**

yeah bloods a popular one

**dickiforov**

@katsuDON’T YUUURI :blue_heart::blue_heart::blue_heart::wink::tongue:

give me a hint where r u

**katsuDON'T**

Bedroom

**tuition placenta**

that's  Not a hint

**katsuDON'T**

Viiicctorr

**dickiforov**

i'll be back 

dasvidanya

**katsuDON'T**

Yayyyyy

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

what the fuxk is happening

what the hap is fuckening

**tuition placenta**

bitch me too the fuck

**dickiforov**

ok yuuri is sound asleeb now :heart_eyes: :vkusno: im sorry we couldn't have a sleepover yurio i can paint your nails another time

**Otabek**

So many missed messages 

I hate you all :

...wait Yuri where are you

I'll pick you up on my bike but WHERE ARE YOU

**tuition placenta**

i DOn't know where the fuck i am

im going to DIE here

currently laying in snow i hope i get hypothermia

**dickiforov**

be careful yurio he may be armed

**tuition placenta**

take the fucking shot otabek

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

otabek please find him i dont need to read an obituary about the creamy lemon head boy found dead in a canal

**dickiforov**

why a canal?

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

why not

**tuition placenta**

why would you read that youre in america

anyway it doesnt make a difference

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

ur a "famous skater" it would reach papers dumbass

**tuition placenta**

sorry i cant read suddenly i dont know

my eye hurts

**dickiforov**

"ice tiger furry fairy whatever of russia found dead in miami somehow even though he died in russia"

i sneezed so hard i  dropped my phone on my eye

**Otabek**

never mind i found you

**dickiforov**

wait otakek you're in russia? :vkusno: we can do a slumber party tomorrow!!!!

**Otabek**

why are you at a pet shop

**tuition placenta**

die im in the snow NEXT to the pet shop

get it right smh

**Otabek**

im just visiting but im free tomorrow

**tuition placenta**

anyway i hope i sneeze so hard i fall off your motorbike

**Otabek**

why are you in the snow

dont

**tuition placenta**

why not

**Otabek**

w h y

ive got him everyone

**tuition placenta**

uh oh im about to sneeze....achoo...wow why am i off your bike

hes lying im still in the snow

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

adios bitch

**tuition placenta**

spasibo cruel world

**Otabek**

stop being a drama king

get on

**tuition placenta**

only drama king is victor

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

your feet

get up

and make it happen

**tuition placenta**

this is exactly the proper reaction for this moment

oops my feet fell off

**dickiforov**

i heard my name

**tuition placenta**

damn you russian winters

guess i have to stay here :/

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

yurio is a fuckin bratz doll pass it on

**Otabek**

wanna come visit my cat yuri

**dickiforov**

i want a doll made after me

**tuition placenta**

wow thanks russian winters for putting my feet back on

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

wait i wanna see otabeks cat :(

**tuition placenta**

you can FUCK off

you can see my DICK

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

choke xxo

**dickiforov**

otakek has a cat?

yurio please behave

**Otabek**

he WONT talk hes just lying there texting

**dickiforov**

yurio don't make me leash you

**Otabek**

i got him i duct taped him to my back

**tuition placenta**

abuse

**dickiforov**

otakek wherever you are please accept my love

**tuition placenta**

i look like a fucking baby

you know those like

**dickiforov**

thank you for containing his wrath

**tuition placenta**

those whats it called

the

the baby holder

baby cup

WHATS IT CALLED

**dickiforov**

otakek is a cup

holds things

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

two girls one cup

**tuition placenta**

BABY CARRIER

**Otabek**

i need that cause youre a baby

**dickiforov**

leo is deleted from the chat

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

can u delete me from life

**Otabek**

no

i thought yuuri was the drunk one not yuri

**dickiforov**

i miss yuuri i wish he wasn't drunkenly snoring im so lonely where is makkachin when u need him

makkachin i need you

**Otabek**

anyways what happened with yuuri

**dickiforov**

he got drunk but there was less sexy stripping and dancing and more trying to put him to bed

**tuition placenta**

otabek im not drunk i just wish i was

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

yurio could smell alcohol and get fuckin smashed he's such a lightweight smh

**tuition placenta**

you don't know that

i'll drink TEN alcohols

you can't stop me

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

ten sniffs

**dickiforov**

i need makkachin

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

sniff sniff binch

**dickiforov**

i'm so alone

time to continue my will

**tuition placenta**

otabek youre like 22 can you get me like

an entire bottle of alcohol

**Otabek**

HOW can you still text

N O

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

thats illegal

**tuition placenta**

no its not,

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

112 yurio is doing an illegal

**tuition placenta**

112 im not my friend is getting a hard earned drink

**dickiforov**

otakek will get my ice skates because i trust him to not call them knife shoes

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

112 yurio is doing an illegal

otabek call then knife shoes

**tuition placenta**

112 leo de la iglesia is a bitch ass liar

**dickiforov**

leo can get catch these hands

in my will

**tuition placenta**

get catch

**dickiforov**

yurio will not be included in my will

**Otabek**

bad idea

**tuition placenta**

thank go

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

u cant even throw some hair on how u gonna throw hands smfh

**dickiforov**

all of my money will go to makkachin and yuuri

**Otabek**

112 come help untape yuri from my back

**tuition placenta**

am i fucking stuck

**Otabek**

um

**tuition placenta**

did you think this through at all,

**Otabek**

no comment

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

use ur knife shoes

scissors

acid

**tuition placenta**

WHERE WOULD I GET ACID

looks like we need a drink wheres the fucking alcohol

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

yurios icy diamond hard heart

**tuition placenta**

what heart

i wasnt made aware of this """"heart""""

**Otabek**

victor we're outside your apartment come help us

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

bring acid

**nuggie.jpg**

you're white you'll figure smth out

**dickiforov**

all of my skating outfits will be donated to charity for young skaters who can't afford much

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

maybe scisso

rs

**tuition placenta**

Scisso

**dickiforov**

WHO THE FUCK IS KNOCKING AT MY DOOR

**tuition placenta**

ring ring bitch

**Otabek**

H E L P

M E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER WAS LONG AS FUCK I'LL FORMAT IT LATER I'M GONNA (shit)POST A LOT AND THEN FORMAT LATER


	21. Chapter 16: sleepover of doom ™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> who actually sleeps at sleepovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want orisa to rip me apart in the name of keeping the peace

**dickiforov**

SLUMBER PARTY TIME AFTER ALL

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

i hope u stay duct taped to otakek you prick ass bitch

nvm i like otakek

**tuition placenta**

otabek is Good

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

see theres that heart

**tuition placenta**

if anything happened to otabek i would wipe out everyone in this chatroom and then myself

**dickiforov**

yurio you're inside my home stop texting and just talk to us

**tuition placenta**

why would i want to do that

**Otabek**

why is just dance on and why does it reek of alcohol

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

see yurio’s heart warm for otakek

**tuition placenta**

i dont have a heart

**tuition placenta**

i have basic human decency but i dont have a heart

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

same thing

**dickiforov**

why are we texting rather than talking to each other you're both in my house

we're looking at each other right now

**tuition placenta**

i can be a dick but not be a cishet white boy smh

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

o fuck u right

**Otabek**

the duct tape is covering my mouth and yuri is stubborn

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

or are u

**dickiforov**

welcome to 2069

**tuition placenta**

think about the alternative i could have made harambe jokes. i could have made trigger jokes

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

someone free otabel

**tuition placenta**

otabel

**dickiforov**

yurio you're grounded

**nuggie.jpg**

Otabel

**nuggie.jpg**

otakek change your user to Otabel

**dickiforov**

otakek what color nails do u want

**Otabek**

scissors

**tuition placenta**

that sounds like a..

whats it called

fairy tale

**dickiforov**

yurio is drunk

**tuition placenta**

otabella sweep the floors

im not surprisingly

**nuggie.jpg**

cinderella?

**dickiforov**

yurio is high?

**tuition placenta**

wheres yuuri i bet he could hook me up with some alcohol

mile high club

**Otabek**

he's asleep

**dickiforov**

yuuri is in the back room but leave him alone while he sleepin

**tuition placenta**

i will  Wake the beast

once i am freed

VICTOR how long does it take to uncut duct tape

**Otabek**

i changed my mind dont get scissors

**dickiforov**

you'll be here in the morning tho won't you? i thought we were having a slumber party

**Otabek**

sure

**tuition placenta**

no im fucking running

ill cut myself free if i  have to do it Myself

**dickiforov**

nooo

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

do

it

**dickiforov**

otakek keep yurio ducktaped

**Otabek**

i dont have a choice

**mila malfoy**

yurio ductaped ?

**tuition placenta**

what

WHAT the fuck

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

wild

**dickiforov**

au where otakek narrates my life

**Otabek**

Victor is an idiot

**tuition placenta**

if you keep calling him otakek you wont have a life to be narrated

**dickiforov**

"yurio said", said otakek

**Otabek**

I found the kitchen knife

I'm letting the tiger loose

And my mouth

**tuition placenta**

howd you even get the tape on your mouth anyway smh

**Otabek**

:davai:

**tuition placenta**

THATS NOT AN ANSWER???

**Otabek**

Yuuri"s still asleep

:davai:

**dickiforov**

don't touch my fiancé please

**tuition placenta**

im waking the beast brb

**dickiforov**

you're allowed to pet makkachin or die and that's it

please respect my hospitality and rules of the house

**tuition placenta**

how do i die

**Otabek**

You don't

**tuition placenta**

sounds fake but okay

**Otabek**

I'll duct tape you to the couch

**tuition placenta**

112 im being bullied by someone i thought i could tr*st

**Otabek**

It's been a long day

I'm not used to this much social interaction 

I'm crashing in your living room victor

**tuition placenta**

rip otabek

victor wheres your fucking blankets

**dickiforov**

fuck

yuuri stole them all

stay in the living room ill make an attempt to get some

**tuition placenta**

im not staying in the living room i will take one by Force

**dickiforov**

if u hear screaming dont call 112 just run

no yurio its a death wish

**Otabek**

Yuuri: screams

Yuri: come at me

**tuition placenta**

you   Still dont realize

**dickiforov**

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**tuition placenta**

anyway where is he

**dickiforov**

RUN

**tuition placenta**

i  need the fuciking blanket

**dickiforov**

RUN RUN RUN

Why do you need a blanket? Is it for your OC?

TOO BAD BINCH

**tuition placenta**

its not for me dumb fuck

its for otabek you  FUCKER

**Otabek**

:davai: bro

AAAAAHHHHHH yuuri

**tuition placenta**

rip otabek

**dickiforov**

yuuri is locked in the room we have to run before he breaks down the door

**Otabek**

I'm sleeping on the couch so throw a blanket over me when you get one

**dickiforov**

heres a gun yurio

protect urself

**tuition placenta**

what am i supposed to do with this

**dickiforov**

run

**tuition placenta**

thats useless then i dont need it

look i make gun jokes but i dont actually want one are you an idiot,

**dickiforov**

otakek i trust you with my son's life protect him

**Otabek**

Why me

**tuition placenta**

I'M NOT YOUR SON

**dickiforov**

ill hold yuuri down

GO

RUN

SURVIVE

**tuition placenta**

where are your towels

**dickiforov**

ILL BE FINE DONT WORRY

*dies*

they're in the closet down the hallway first door on left

**tuition placenta**

thanks

**dickiforov**

i cant believe i died and no one cared

yuuri killed me in his hungover wrath

**katsuDON'T**

MY HEAD HURTS

**dickiforov**

he dicked me down

**katsuDON'T**

What happened

What did I do

**dickiforov**

i died

**katsuDON'T**

Oh no 〣( ºΔº )〣

**tuition placenta**

im trying to find a blanket

that doesnt have...extra shit... on it

**katsuDON'T**

......

**dickiforov**

the clean towels are under the sink in the 7th bathroom on the 3rd floor

**tuition placenta**

seventh bathroom...

**dickiforov**

im rich

fuck u yurio

**tuition placenta**

what do you even need that many for

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

damn

**dickiforov**

for guests

**katsuDON'T**

Do we even have a 3rd floor????

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

so many places to shit in

**dickiforov**

no yurio is going to the roof

**tuition placenta**

mile high club

**katsuDON'T**

S t o p

**tuition placenta**

is there a kilometer high club

**dickiforov**

last time i had a get together leo clogged every toilet so now i have back ups and im prepared

tuition placenta 

damn leo what did you do,

**katsuDON'T**

I remember screaming

Anyways what happened after I went out

**dickiforov**

otakek and yurio came over for a sleepover

**tuition placenta**

i Want to go home,

**dickiforov**

u hogged the blankets and killed me when i woke u up

**katsuDON'T**

Oh so that's why he's on the couch

**dickiforov**

yurio has a gun

**katsuDON'T**

W H A T

**tuition placenta**

i gave it back

**katsuDON'T**

good

**tuition placenta**

oh can i keep it

victor can i keep it

**dickiforov**

no

**tuition placenta**

im cashing in on all the times you called me son give me the fucking gun

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

dont

**dickiforov**

write me a persuasive essay then u can keep it

**tuition placenta**

ok brb

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

wait he might shoot me yes

**dickiforov**

leo u clogged my 7 toilets and this is how u act

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

Listen

**dickiforov**

too many burritas

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

burritas im reporting u

**katsuDON'T**

Did I do something I would regret ‘︿’

**dickiforov**

do u regret killing me?

tuition placenta 

**katsuDON'T**

Yes

**tuition placenta**

heres my essay: I need a gun because I hate myself and also because you're a shitty parent. You're not even my parent

**dickiforov**

good enough! im so proud of my son yurio

**katsuDON'T**

N O GUNS ALLOWED

**tuition placenta**

too bad

i have a gun now

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

no

**katsuDON'T**

Noooo

**tuition placenta**

yuri but with a gun

**dickiforov**

gunio

wheres the fanart

minami drew gunio

**tuition placenta**

i dont want to see it,

I don't want to see this,

Why did you even,

WHY DID YOU HAVE THAT

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

WHY NOT

**tuition placenta**

no one needs to see that

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

same

**tuition placenta**

blocked reported

**dickiforov**

i love you yuuri

please dont be mad at me, my love

**tuition placenta**

disgusting

i want to go home

hey do you think otabek would care if i stole his motorbike

asking for a friend

**katsuDON'T**

HES SLEEPING

DONT STEAL

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

yes dont do it otabek doesnt deserve this

**tuition placenta**

what the fuck

okay thats fair

**dickiforov**

he'd ducktape u to his dick

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

CIKTOR NO

**tuition placenta**

ciktor

**dickiforov**

sorry did i say dick i meant hell

**katsuDON'T**

Kicktor

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

choke xxo

**tuition placenta**

his hell

**katsuDON'T**

Victor kicks in his sleep

I'd know

Victor kicktor

**tuition placenta**

what the fuck

**dickiforov**

oh thats what those bruises were from

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

uh

**dickiforov**

i thouht u were cheating on me

im sorry yuuri

**tuition placenta**

i have...very many questions

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

same yuri same

**katsuDON'T**

Me too

**dickiforov**

now that otakek is asleep and yurio has a gun im gonna go to bed

yuuri will u cuddle with me

**katsuDON'T**

Sure (´∀｀)♡

**tuition placenta**

[ https://vine.co/v/5OuOdQ6mUL3 ](https://vine.co/v/5OuOdQ6mUL3)

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

I LOVE THAT CONR

**tuition placenta**

conr

**katsuDON'T**

I'm sorry for whatever i did when I was drunk

**dickiforov**

its ok bb

i forgive you for killing me

**tuition placenta**

its fine because i have a gun

i can exact revenge in victors place,

**tuition placenta**

you Better run

**dickiforov**

yurio if u shoot me ur grounded

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

cant see the hate these shades r gucci

**tuition placenta**

why would i shoot a dead person

**dickiforov**

bc ur a sadist

i love u tho my son

**tuition placenta**

  1. a) not a sadist
  2. b) not your son



**katsuDON'T**

  1. A) he's more of a tsundere
  2. B) yes you are



**dickiforov**

  1. c) u signed the contract so b is invalid



**tuition placenta**

what contract

**dickiforov**

the contract u signed for the gun

**tuition placenta**

sounds like some  Bullshit

you can have the gun back im not your kid

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

uh

**dickiforov**

the essay was the contract in white ink and you signed ur name on it

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

damn

**tuition placenta**

what the fuck

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

sneaky sneaky

**dickiforov**

its binding and the contract is now inside my ashhole so youre my son forever unless u wanna dig in papas ass

**katsuDON'T**

N O

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

im deleting myself and this chat from existence

tuition placenta 

WHAT the fuck did i just read

**katsuDON'T**

Otabek is asleep and yurio is safe so I'm going back to bed

**tuition placenta**

i am not safe ive been kidnapped

**LEOLIKESPENISO**

im suing toe nikifootorov

**tuition placenta**

im making a fucking break for it goodBYE

**katsuDON'T**

Why is the door duct taped

**dickiforov**

yurio u can fuck off in the morning but his is still a sleepover so u have to pretend to sleep

**tuition placenta**

im jumping out the window then bye

**dickiforov**

goodnight

dasvidanya

**katsuDON'T**

We're on the 6th floor

Before we go to bed, did I do anything...dumb or eros

Like the banquet

**dickiforov**

sadly no

**katsuDON'T**

Oh phew

**dickiforov**

although i was turned on when u killed me

**katsuDON'T**

(ノﾟДﾟ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> otabel  
> @uranohoshi on tumblr


	22. Chapter 17: That’s nice Chris (alternatively titled pull the trigger piglet)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People say guns are, on a moral level, bad  
> alt These Kids Need Some Help! But Who Will Give It To Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one rev one kill

**nuggie.jpg**

i spilled my hair dye on my good pants

anyone got a gun

yurio?

**katsuDON'T**

He gave the gun back luckily

**nuggie.jpg**

:(

**dickiforov**

i still have the gun

**nuggie.jpg**   
viktor can i have the gun   
**dickiforov**   
first u must write a persuasive essay on why you need and deserve the gun   
**nuggie.jpg**   
People say guns are, on a moral level, bad. And they are. When in the hands of a cisgender, heterosexual white male whom is perisex, neurotypical, and able-bodied, guns should be feared much more. But, in the name of ethics and my intense needs, I say I deserve the gun. I’m a good person. I support everyone (except Yurio) with ease and I love being able to express my fond love for my fellow figure skaters, friends, and even competitors (except for Yurio). Of course, I’m learning to show love even for those who I don’t get along with, for example, Yurio. I am aware my anger tends to peak when I’m online, but it’s out of need to express the negative emotions I feel in a healthy way. It’s a fair assumption to say that I plan on ending my life. And to be fair, that’s not a far-off assumption. But I assure you, I have no plans on shooting the gun anywhere near my body, or anyone else’s, for that matter. I just want to shoot my hair dye repeatedly. I deserve the gun not necessarily because I'm a good person, but because I'm not a bad person. In short, I only want the gun for personal gain and not to harm myself or others, which is something not many people understand. Thank you.   
**succ the conk**   
ok thanks for that minami but lets pay attention to something important like me and the ice and how sexy it is mmmpphhhhh yea im gonna nut just thinkin about it :weary::weary::weary::sweat_drops::sweat_drops::sweat_drops::tongue::tongue::tongue:   
**Otabek**   
Why are you like this   
It's literally frozen water that people have skated on   
**succ the conk**   
its beautiful ice   
**nuggie.jpg**   
thats nice chris   
**Otabek**   
thats nice chris   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
thats nice chris   
**katsuDON'T**   
thats nice chris   
**tuition placenta**   
thats fuckin disgusting chris

**dickiforov**   
rumor has it that if u say chr*s's name in a mirror 3 times he'll cum on u and steal ur ice   
**katsuDON'T**   
I'm yuuri and I love victor

♪☆＼(^０^＼) ♪(／^-^)／☆   
That's it that's all I had to say this has been a PSA

**dickiforov**   
awww babe :eggplant:   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
get that fucking eggplant out of here   
**katsuDON'T**   
I thought that was going to be a heart emoji   
(๑・ω-)～:hearts:” have a heart   
**dickiforov**   
I MESSED UP IM SORRY   
i mean unless u wanted me to eggplant u   
:heart_decoration: :weary: :ok_hand: i love u babe   
**katsuDON'T**   
Just give me a. Second I'll come over

I'm on the 5th floor   
~:hearts:~   
**tuition placenta**   
ARENT YOU IN THE SAME FUCKING HOUSE   
i want to go home   
when will otabek wake up from the war   
this is like full on sleep   
what the fuck was he doing to have a Full Sleep   
**katsuDON'T**   
Didn't you get any sleep?

**dickiforov**   
yurio was plotting our murder probably   
too bad minami has the gun now   
**tuition placenta**   
sleep is for BABIES   
except otabek   
otababy   
just kidding hes not a child   
unlike victor   
**dickiforov**   
im 69 respect ur gotdamn elders boy   
**tuition placenta**   
victor is actually just a balding child   
caillou   
**nuggie.jpg**   
blockt   
**dickiforov**   
im benjamin button   
**tuition placenta**   
im just a world famous figure skater who's four   
each day i learn some more   
**katsuDON'T**   
I made pancakes come to the kitchen   
**dickiforov**   
COMING YUURI   
oh no i said the c word   
**succ the conk**   
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) someone called :sin:   
**tuition placenta**   
nut   
**dickiforov**   
NOOOOO   
**tuition placenta**   
bust a fucking  pecan nut **  
** **succ the conk**   
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   
**dickiforov**   
chris i love u but pls dont steal our ice cubes   
or nut on us   
**succ the conk**   
you cant stop me :sin:   
**dickiforov**   
someone remove chris

**nuggie.jpg**   
like the time we removed jj?   
**katsuDON'T**   
Sigh   
**succ the conk**   
bl e as e no i hav e a family 

**katsuDON'T**   
Ok you can stay and eat pancakes if you do it in peace

**tuition placenta**   
when will otabek awake from the war   
**dickiforov**   
otakek needs to be otakicked awake

**tuition placenta**   
dont fucking touch him

**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
otakeked awake

**tuition placenta**   
pull the trigger piglet   
**nuggie.jpg**   
pull the pigger triglet   
**dickiforov**   
im dyin scoob pull the trigger   
**tuition placenta**   
minami dont you have the gun   
**dickiforov**   
wheres minami when u need him   
**tuition placenta**   
ONE SHOT ONE KILL   
**nuggie.jpg**   
no viktor never gave it to me:(   
**dickiforov**   
yeah i did   
u lost it didnt u   
**nuggie.jpg**   
i doubt he even read my essay   
**dickiforov**   
fuckass   
**succ the conk**   
talking about guns? :sin:   
**tuition placenta**   
GUN ON THE LOOSE   
**nuggie.jpg**   
did you read my essay?   
**succ the conk**

that shoot   
**tuition placenta**   
welcome to the gun show   
**dickiforov**   
yeah i did u little fuckass   
**succ the conk**   
like i shoot ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   
**Otabek**   
What's happening   
Oh no   
**tuition placenta**   
if we ignore him for long enough will he go away

**dickiforov**   
otakek is awake   
**tuition placenta**   
otabeks otawake   
**succ the conk**

i'll never go away im like glitter i fucking bless you bitches with my presence until the end of time    
**tuition placenta**   
brb sprinting home

**Otabek**   
I just wanted some pancakes   
**dickiforov**   
ok time to eat yuuri's delicious   
pancakes   
**nuggie.jpg**   
jk dw dw i have the gun   
who wants to get shot   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
shoot me   
**tuition placenta**   
im gonna ma   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
please   
**tuition placenta**   
Ne   
Me   
**tuition placenta**   
I do   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
BLEASE   
**katsuDON'T**   
Um **  
** **dickiforov**   
me last i need to finish my will   
**nuggie.jpg**   
i only have three bullets   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
PULL THE FUCKING TRIGGER   
**tuition placenta**   
im gonna make a. break for it either you shoot me or i run   
**dickiforov**   
pull thr trigger minami   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
I CALLED MCFUCKINF DIBS   
**nuggie.jpg**   
if ur not at my doorstep in ten minutes im using all three on me   
**katsuDON'T**   
No one is DYING   
**tuition placenta**   
brb buying tickets to japan   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
*sweats* airplanes dont go that fucking fast at least give me a chance   
**tuition placenta**   
otabek come with   
**Otabek**   
hop on I'll drive there   
**dickiforov**   
someone leash yurio   
**Otabek**   
No more

We learned from yesterday

**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
get a kitty child leash   
**dickiforov**   
OTAKEK YURIO WAIT   
**tuition placenta**   
on me bros bike vroom vroom   
**dickiforov**   
get out me ass   
LEOLIKESPENISO   
get out otabeks bike   
**tuition placenta**   
i was never in it   
Boke

**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
shut,   
**Otabek**   
We're already out of your house   
**dickiforov**   
confession: i was a victim of mpreg and i gave birth to yurio   
**tuition placenta**   
WHAT THE FUCK   
**dickiforov**   
yurio u were birthed from my asshole   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
im deleting myself   
**tuition placenta**   
I WANT TO DIE

**dickiforov**   
its time to get out of my ass   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
IM DELETING MYSELF AND THIS GODDAMN MISTAKE OF A CHAT   
**Otabek**   
I'm running myself over   
**dickiforov**   
its yuuri's turn to be in the ass   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
HASTA LA LATER VIKTOR   
**tuition placenta**   
me too otabek blease   
**dickiforov**   
layer   
leo is shrek   
**tuition placenta**   
layuer   
**katsuDON'T**   
(๏_๏)   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
layuer   
i have layers   
wait fuck tahts onion   
why the fuck am i shrek   
**tuition placenta**   
shrek   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
shrek em down boiz   
**dickiforov**   
shrek is leo guang hong is fiona yurio is donkey   
**Otabek**   
Leo is an onion he makes people cry   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
fuck u right

**dickiforov**   
minami is gingy   
**tuition placenta**   
gingy   
**tuition placenta**   
IM NOT DONKEY EAT MY ASS

im not, donkey eat my ass - yurio   
eat my ass is a wholesome alternative to eat my dick   
not  everyone has dicks   
but almost everyone has ass   
white people dont have asses   
**nuggie.jpg**   
you have seven more minutes   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
ur a white people   
**Otabek**   
But you're white   
**nuggie.jpg**   
im asian   
**tuition placenta**   
did i fuckgin stutter   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
no yurio   
**dickiforov**   
and im russixco   
**nuggie.jpg**   
i'm  JAPANESE   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
r u admitting u dont have an ass yurio is that a confession   
**dickiforov**   
sorry russixcan   
**nuggie.jpg**   
FROM GODDAMN JAPAN   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
russixcan   
**tuition placenta**   
i never said i did   
literaly who said i did

**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT FUXKINF YURIO MINAMI   
**nuggie.jpg**   
SHOW ME WHERE I ASKED   
**katsuDON'T**   
I'm not bragging but    
I'd say I've got a decent one

  
**nuggie.jpg**   
tru   
**tuition placenta**   
i dont look

im a Pure being   
**nuggie.jpg**   
noah fence   
but like

butt   
**dickiforov**   
can my kids stop fighting and eat the pancakes that daddy made. he put his gotdamn love into those pancakes so EAT   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
fuckign lies   
BUE   
BYE

**Otabek**   
We're already eating at a cafe   
**nuggie.jpg**   
i don't trust anyone who calls themselves d*ddy   
**tuition placenta**   
^^   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
same   
**dickiforov**   
i coulda said yuuri put his gotdamn ass in the pancakes but i aint a fuckass   
**tuition placenta**   
you Are   
**dickiforov**   
brb eating yuuri's ass   
**Otabek**   
W H A T    
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
IM DELETING MYSELF AND THIS GODDAMN CHAT   
**dickiforov**   
munch munch   
**tuition placenta**   
NO   
NO   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
DELETE ME KICK ME OUT I DONT WANT TO WITNESS THIS   
**katsuDON'T**   
That wasn't part of the plan   
**tuition placenta**   
WE ARENT GETTING INTO THIS NOW   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
MIAMI TAKE THE FUCKINF SHOT   
FUCKINF   
**tuition placenta**   
miami   
**katsuDON'T**   
Is there a change of plans?   
**dickiforov**   
MINAMI FOUND DEAD IN MIAMI   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
MIAMI MINAMI WHATEVER TAKE THE MCFUCKINF SHOT   
**dickiforov**   
minami shot themselves bc of yuuri’s ass   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
IM SHOOTING MYSELF   
**nuggie.jpg**   
THREE MORE MINUTES TIL SOMEONE GETS SHOT KIDDOS   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
KILL ME  P LE ASE   
**tuition placenta**   
ONE SHOT  ONE KILL FROM JAPAN YOU CAN MAKE IT TO THIS QUAINT ASS CAFE   
**nuggie.jpg**   
yurio are you almost here   
**tuition placenta**   
no   
**dickiforov**   
yurio is coming   
**nuggie.jpg**   
fuck i really wanted to kill you   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
YOU CAN SHOOT FROM JAPAN TO THE US RIGHT   
BLEASW   
**nuggie.jpg**   
i can try leo   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
thank   
im in lesbians w you   
**tuition placenta**   
wait what kinda gun  only has three bullets   
a nerf gun?   
**nuggie.jpg**   
no viktor's gun   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
a tiny gun   
**tuition placenta**   
is it a nerf gun   
a gun for Ants   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
NERF THIS   
**tuition placenta**   
what if its like tranquilizer   
**dickiforov**   
i used one of the bullets to engrave my name on my dick   
**nuggie.jpg**   
idk it looks like a sniper but idk   
**tuition placenta**   
damn you  could make the shot   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
viktor why the fuck would you do that   
did yiu just admit to shooting ur dick off

**dickiforov**   
no i engraved it   
the bullets shoot in cursive   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
explain   
explain how **  
** **tuition placenta**   
victors dictor   
**nuggie.jpg**   
one more minute 'til someone fucking dies   
**tuition placenta**   
he calls it dictor dickiforov i heard him say it once i was traumatized   
**dickiforov**   
tell the gun what u want the bullet to say and it shoots the next bullet in that path   
**nuggie.jpg**   
alright   
**Otabek**   
It's time for us to drive to the ocean Yuri :davai:

Into the water   
**tuition placenta**   
LIT   
**dickiforov**   
yurio do u listen to when yuuri and i are alone   
**nuggie.jpg**   
yurio; leo; myself: TARGETS ACQUIRED   
**dickiforov**   
yurio is a perv   
**nuggie.jpg**   
yurio; leo; myself: TARGETS ACQUIRED

**tuition placenta**   
no youre just so fucking NOISY   
I COULD PROBABLY HEAR YOU FROM ACROSS THE FUCKING COUNTRY   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
THANK GOD   
**tuition placenta**   
prasie jesus   
**dickiforov**   
prasie   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
prasie   
**tuition placenta**   
little house on the prasie   
**dickiforov**   
yurio i have another confession: twas not i who mpreg gave birth to u...it was yakov   
**katsuDON'T**   
Σ (ﾟДﾟ;) sorry yurio   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
FUCKIGN BYE BYE LEO   
**tuition placenta**   
me rn bc im gonna  get fucking shot

  
**katsuDON'T**   
I changed my mind I'm goin back to hatsetsu    
**dickiforov**   
instead of 2 girls one cup its two yuris 1 gun   
**tuition placenta**   
fight   
one shot one kill   
**Otabek**   
I have a motorcycle that can go over 100 mph   
**tuition placenta**   
run me the FUCK over   
otabek  please fucking floor it   
**LEOLIKESPENISO**   
one rev one kill   
**tuition placenta**   
i changed my mind im going to stay at the ocean until high tide and then im going to let myself Drown,   
i never want to read a message from this chat ever again,

**nuggie.jpg**   
im sorry to say that for once in my life i agree with yurio   
**dickiforov**   
me too   
i love my dead gay son   
**tuition placenta**   
im not dead yet   
i will be soon   
but not yet   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i caught a cold over the weekend when i went to dc and im surviving through sheer force of will


	23. chapter 18: ronald mcdonald is yurio's godfather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (holy shit!!! we're getting a yoi movie!!! pop the champagne lads...anyhoo exam season is almost at an end so more of us will be emotionally stable enough to keep this fic updated! thank you guys so much for reading/liking/commenting on this Masterpiece and i hope you continue to support our shitty fic -finn, who plays dickiforov, out)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we;'re BACK in business Babby Boy . .. .
> 
> (my names khloe and im an absentee author. shoutout to finn for workin on this)

**tuition placenta**  
  
im going to send myself out of this atmosphere at 11.2 km/s whos with me  
  
**mila malfoy**  
  
hello 112  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
yurio please don't end your life  
  
your daddy and i love you very much  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  
im escaping  
  
**mila malfoy**

11.2 kms  
  
**dickiforov**

i'll pack you a lunch!  
  
**tuition placenta**

i wont have any time to eat it but t＊＊＊＊s anyway  
  
**mila malfoy**

victor is gonna make you a nice lunch be polite and eat it  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
i'm not the best chef but i can manage a cooked cheese  
  
id make you a grilled cheese but i don't own a grill  
  
**mila malfoy**  
  
just use a pan and the stove  
  
bam  
  
grilled cheese  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
no grilled cheese requires a grill hence the grill in grilled cheese  
  
stupid  
  
**mila malfoy**  
  
don't call me that fucker  
  
ill tell yuuri and he'll be disappointed  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
TELL HIM WHAT  
  
**mila malfoy**  
  
u called me STUPID  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
i'm just a poor dad ok give me a break please i beg  
  
**mila malfoy**  
  
he can see  
  
he's In This Chat victor  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
yurio would you like me to buy a grill to make your grilled cheese  
  
or is a cooked cheese fine  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  
It's Called Grilled Cheese For A Reason  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
so yes?  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  
Yes You Mother Fucker  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
brb going to the store u awful awful child  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  
WAIT WHAT THE FUCK I DON'T EVEN LIKE GRILLED CHEESE  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
be grateful u lil shit  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  
i dont want your filthy grilled cheese  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
GASP  
  
**mila malfoy**  
  
yuri are you lack toast im tolerant  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
FINE THEN STARVE  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  
i see in 80 HD  
  
im not lack toast and tolerant i just fuckign hate grilled cheese  
  
how can you call that a sandwich. its cheese on bread  
  
**mila malfoy**  
  
i see in 720 resolution  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  
what the FUCk  
  
i see in 1080p but sometimes it buffers  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
i see in 1080  
  
**mila malfoy**  
  
Die  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
aww yurio we're bonding  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  
im seeing in 240p rn  
  
dickiforov  
  
i'm about to get an uber to the store do u want a grill for the cheese or not  
  
**mila malfoy**  
  
vvictor take yuri to the optometrist  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  
WHY are you taking an uber  
  
do you want to DIE do you have any idea of CONSEQUENCES  
  
JUST FUCKING WALK  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
i'm too pretty to drive  
  
or walk  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  
RIDE A BIKE  
  
EXERCISE  
  
**mila malfoy**  
  
skate to the store fucker  
  
**tuition placenta**  
  
if you get old and fat ill kill you  
  
**dickiforov**  
  
i'm so offended  
  
can i not take one uber  
  
**tuition placenta**

No  
  
**mila malfoy**

no  
  
**dickiforov**

okay i'll saddle up makkachin and ride him to the store do you need anything else  
  
**tuition placenta**

ARE you fucking kidding me

i want mcdonalds  
  
**dickiforov**

my list so far

\- grill  
\- cheese  
\- bread  
\- extra large cucumber

how long does it take to install a grill  
  
**tuition placenta**

its not software how would i know  
  
**dickiforov**

don't kill yourself or escape until i get home okay? i want to make sure ur fed before you leave  
  
**tuition placenta**

I SAID I WANT MCDONALDS  
  
**dickiforov**

no mcdonalds i don't want to support ronald he's a crook and his makeup scares me  
  
**tuition placenta**

I Hate This Fucking Family  
  
**dickiforov**

you admitted we're a family!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow us on Tungle  
> finn (victor/dickiforov) http://mermaidmusicbox.tumblr.com/  
> khloe (yurio/tuition placenta) http://mekakushin.co.vu/  
> viv (yuuri/katsuDONT & otabek) http://dicktorvictor.tumblr.com/  
> dri (leo/LEOLIKESPENISO) http://radioactiveshits.tumblr.com/
> 
> sorry if there's any mistakes this is the first time im posting a chapter lmao. anyhoo i wish you the best and i hope you smile a lot today <3 - finn
> 
> hi my names KHLOE im TEN YEARS OLD and SCHOOL RAN ME OVER IN A BIG YELLOW BUS and PISSED ON MY DEAD BODY. also i have finals in two weeks - khloe

**Author's Note:**

> me: so guys do you wanna essentially rp for a fic i might make,  
> i'm sorry  
> @uranohoshi on tumblr


End file.
